>Lynn Carter writes:
>
>I grieve for this baby, and I would hope the neonatologist(s) will insist 
>that the mother pump for a while.  Maybe things will change after the baby 
>is born.

There is a neonatologist in one of our WI hospitals who comes into the room 
of a mother with a premie or otherwise-compromised baby and says, as he 
pushes the breast pump, "I don't care if you plan to breastfeed or not but 
we need your milk!"  It has produced some dedicated breastfeeding mothers.

Renee, letting go of your heart's desire for now leaves room for that 
possibility.

And as others have said you have done your best.  If you can pull up your 
acting skills and visit your friend with love and caring for her just as 
she is, putting the breastfeeding issue aside, you will continue "doing 
your best."  You may never know why she cannot feed her baby but, whatever 
the reason, she needs your friendship in this time of crisis.  We are given 
the skill of acting for a reason and I feel that this is a time for you to 
give the performance of your life.  You could pretend that it is 
*impossible* for her to feed her baby (and perhaps it is) and that you want 
to support her in nurturing her little one as fully as she can.

There is a place for "lightness" too.  Here again, you might have to do 
some acting but finding something to be positive about will help both of you.

When you are at home you can honor your grieving and cry all your tears 
while holding your friend in the light of your love.  And if, as your more 
honorable Self hopes, baby is fine and remains healthy and thriving, you 
will have the opportunity to grow even more in your compassion.

We on Lactnet are with you in your struggle.  We offer you hugs and an ear 
to listen to your grief.

Patricia Gima, IBCLC

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