I could really feel for those who posted about the challenges of
helping those close to us - daughters, daughters-in-law and friends
or relatives - to breastfeed. I have 3 daughters-in-law so far, all
with new babies, and I was so eager to offer support and help them
succeed in their breastfeeding efforts. But they don't really want
to learn breastfeeding from me. They want to discover how to do it
themselves.
A speaker at this year's Gold 11 Breastfeeding Conference, Janine
Stockdale, PhD of Ireland, spoke about her research on women's
motivation and success in sustaining breastfeeding. She noted that
the women in her study did better if they saw their successful
efforts to breastfeed as their own personal accomplishment rather
than due to the advice and help of a professional. In other words,
it was best if they could own the success themselves and thus be
empowered by it. I think that really rings true. She advised giving
clear markers to new parents to help them evaluate when things were
going well. (The Gold 11 Conference web site is at http://
www.goldconf.com/ If you click on Speakers or Presentations, you can
learn a little more about this speaker and topic, but the conference
is over for this year and therefore you can't sign up or attend or
listen to the full talks any longer. And Health e-Learning will not
be sponsoring the Gold Conference next year, as I understand. I hope
it will continue, as it is a great way to learn about what is new in
the breastfeeding world from home. A number of our Lactnetters have
been speakers.)
My daughters-in-law are successfully breastfeeding in their own
ways. One, a physician and surgeon, is combining working long hours
and breastfeeding her 6 month old. Another, who did not intend to
breastfeed but said she would try it (for "no more than 3 months" due
to need for medications and return to full time work) is now still
happily nursing her thriving 8 month old. And the third is now
exclusively nursing her premie twins, with just the addition of
vitamin drops + iron (born April 5, due May 16, in the NICU for 10
and 11 days). She is starting back to work as a teacher this week,
part-time for this year. So all three are combining working outside
the home and breastfeeding. For all of them, I had to just keep my
mouth shut as they struggled to nurse under the "hooter hiders" they
felt they needed as breastfeeding equipment, or dutifully read their
way through the "What to Expect" books given to them by others, or
insisted that a baby was never going to share their bed. They had to
come to an eventual understanding of how to best meet their own and
their babies' needs in their own way, and to "own" that decision
themselves, not because I recommended it. Just as we all did in our
time. And I will not want to say, "I told you so!" It is really
wonderful to watch them grow as mothers. One who initially always
retired to another room to nurse, then used the "hooter hider for
weeks," recently announced to other new mothers at a meeting, "You
know, I heard that every time you breastfeed in public, you are being
a role model for other mothers who might like to do the same, and
helping society to be more supportive of all breastfeeding moms!" I
was so proud of her. She came to this on her own. And she led me to
a wonderful book, "Helping Baby Sleep," by Anni Gethin and Beth
Macgregor, which I'll talk about in another post.
Anne Altshuler, RN, MS, IBCLC, LLLL
Madison, Wisconsin, USA
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