This issue of lack of family support is really a big one for many women.

I have had some luck at times in talking directly to the grandmothers when
they are there. I'll say: "I guess you're feeling worried that the baby
won't get enough milk and that your daughter's getting worn out trying to
breastfeed." Usually they then jump in with either their own bad experiences
("I never had enough milk") or comments like "Mine all had formula and they
did fine - I don't know why they're making such a big fuss about this
breastfeeding stuff."

This gives me a chance to talk about how little help mothers had with
breastfeeding a generation ago, and how all the benefits weren't known. I
talk about mother and baby learning how to breastfeed, and how this will
eventually be easier than bottlefeeding - reminding Grandma about the
time-consuming work of bottle preparation and sterilizing - and how much the
baby will benefit.

I think these unhelpful grandparents really do want "the best" for their
children and grandchildren, and I say that: "I know you want the best for
your daughter and her baby, and I know this looks like it's hard and
frustrating right now. And you'd like to help, and it feels like there isn't
much you can do as long as she's breastfeeding. But actually, there are some
things you could do that would be really helpful." Then I'll ask her to
watch the baby's position, for example, and remind her daughter if the baby
isn't properly aligned, or some other way the grandmother can be involved in
getting this working.

Yes, there are some relatives who are just determined not to be helpful. But
many really do have good intentions, and if you can tap into that and get
them on "your side" they can end up being valuable advocates and supporters.

Teresa Pitman
LLL Leader, Oakville, Ontario, Canada (near Toronto)