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Lactation Information and Discussion <[log in to unmask]>
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Thu, 3 May 2012 21:07:39 -0400
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Darillyn writes:

"When I  got her, the only sucking she did was a few minutes a day at a 
bottle full of  Pregestimil, with a premie nipple, which flowed way too fast 
for her, and  frequently gagged her. Getting her nursing was a process that 
took five months  and a great deal of patience and creativity, but we got 
there, and it made a  huge difference in her. That baby we were told would not 
be normal grew up to  be a very intelligent and talented young lady... I knew 
she was in danger of  growing up seriously handicapped, physically, 
socially, mentally, and  emotionally, if I didn't give her the best I possibly  
could."
~~~
Hi Darillyn and all, 
 
First off, this sounds very sad and infuriating, to be sure. My second  
thought though, is that this young man has not been 'educated' by the one 
person  he needs to listen to, because it is her life, and that is your daughter. 
This  is her story: the person he loves exists in the way she does, in 
large part  BECAUSE of breastfeeding and the mothering it fosters. I would 
assume that your  daughter is well aware of her story and your part in it, and 
how breastfeeding  was so critical. I hope she has told or will tell him this, 
because it is  her truth. Hopefully that could be a learning journey for 
him through her. If  his ignorance or issues have shut her down, and he has no 
respect for her  life history and her own journey and values, she can be 
the one to help him  understand  her story and values.  You don't have to take 
that on. (  And it probably wouldn't work if you did, if your daughter 
didn't ask you to be  part of the discussion.)  If he still refuses to be open 
to healthy  discussion (and this sounds cruel and knee-jerk perhaps, but it's 
not about  breastfeeding per se) then I hope she gets out of this 
relationship. I am sure  there are reasons he is so closed off about this issue, 
which deserve respect,  but I would wonder if the only one of its kind. I admit 
I get concerned when  someone parrots someone else and seem to be leaving 
themselves behind in any  relationship.
 
I hope that doesn't sound awful. Darillyn, you have done your part. This  
guy has NO idea of the positive impact that you, and your passion  and 
knowledge around breastfeeding, have had around the globe, how many  mothers and 
babies you have supported in their own journeys. But your  daughter is free 
to tell him. I hope she does, but the next part is your  daughter's path to 
choose.
 
Peace,
Judy



Judy LeVan  Fram, PT, IBCLC, LLLL
Brooklyn, NY,  USA
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