Carrie:  Please pass along to this mother that she should spend as much 
time as feasibly possible in skin-to-skin with her baby.  She mentions a 
couple of times that she does not feel bonded with her baby - as I was 
reading her post, it was SCREAMING at me that there are some real 
attachment issues going on.  I think she needs to pull back, re-evaluate 
what she is doing, and start prioritizing.  Number 1 on the list is:  
Spending her time and energy with her baby!  She mentions how much she 
hates pumping.  Why is she doing it?  She can rest easy knowing that she 
has tried everything humanly possible to be able to exclusively breastfeed 
her baby.  Now it is time to accept the fact that this is probably never 
going to happen given her anatomy. She needs to start focusing on making 
her and her baby's time at the breast an enjoyable pleasurable experience.  
She may find that Violet begins to suckle at the breast non-nutritively.  
Who cares?  She has other ways of feeding the baby.  This sad situation has 
been going on for about 2 months - have this poor mom and baby had any 
enjoyable time together?
I have had moms in similar situations "give up" breastfeeding only to 
contact me weeks or months later to tell me that they are now 
breastfeeding!  What changed?  Mom stopped being so focused on breast 
feeding and began to enjoy her baby.  If Violet will go to the breast just 
to suck, then mom should let her.  Sounds like she has a couple times 
already - I would continue to encourage this.  I have had success with 
encouraging mom to bottle feed baby skin-to-skin close to the breast.  
After baby is finished eating, encourage and allow baby to suck on mom's 
nipple if she wants to for more non-nutritive sucking time.  If she's using 
a pacifier, stop for now and substitute the breast.
In situations like this, I always recall the adoptive moms I have worked 
with, most never seeing any milk, but who still report wonderful nursing 
experiences.
I feel breastfeeding is only about 10% nutrition and about 90% emotions.
Good Luck to this mom and her baby Violet (what a pretty name!)

Pam Hirsch, BSN,RN,IBCLC
Clinical Lead, Lactation Services
Advocate Good Shepherd Hospital
Barrington, IL   USA

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