<< Not all moms desire to nurse untill
 their child is in first grade.  Isn't some time at the breast better than
 none?    This one message sounded so negative and judgemental >>

ann, yes, i think it was pretty obviously a very bad day for the poster. its
difficult for all of us to face a close friend or relative making what we
consider bad choices. LLL, for instance, is very insistent on being positive
with mothers who wean "early" - saying exactly what you say, that some
breastfeeding is better than none.

however, "adequate" breastfeeding (in terms of duration) is not exactly the
same as "nursing until first grade," although i am here to tell you that
nursing until first grade is lovely, normal, and can be an expression of a
loving relationship. i think what you are wanting to hear about is that
nursing until seven months is NOT considered adequate by most of us, when
there is not a compelling reason to stop. its very hard for me to think of a
compelling reason, although maternal death does come to mind.

this is not a "personal choice" issue, it is a health issue. breastfeeding
until at least a year is widely recognized as a reasonable minimum time
period. (hey, if even the AAP official endorses a year, that's something).
although most of us do support the mother that weans prematurely (and that
includes me, and i think i am probably infamous on this list for being
adamantly pro-breastfeeding and anti-substitutes, including formula in a cup
for an older baby), it would be inappropriate and unethical for someone in my
position to tell a mother that it was a good choice to wean early.

what i find sad about these situations, having recently had a call from a
relative along the same lines "my 9 mo old is weaning himself, what can i
do?," is that it becomes apparent that the closely attached parenting
lifestyle that we tend to expect and hope that breastfeeding will encourage,
does not necessarily happen. plenty of mothers are able to breast feed, that
is, feed their baby with their breasts, but not allow the feeding to turn
into nurturing. this is painful for me to understand but i do see quite
clearly what it involves. usually when a mother is impatient to fully wean
her young baby, it means a certain sort of emotional failure of breastfeeding.

this doesn't mean that the breastfeeding was bad; rather, i think that it was
probably a better deal for the baby than not getting to breastfeed would have
been. but i do see babies who ARE weaning themselves, because they are tired
and discouraged by the emotional unavailability of their mothers even when
they have the physical connection. the mothers are happy to be relieved of
their burden and glad that the baby takes solids and a cup so readily.

not that this defines every case, of course, because i have some calls in
which the mother says "he's going to be a year old next week, and i sure hate
to wean him." those are easy. i try to encourage moms to nurse past one year,
because then they get into the mutual weaning mode, and the baby has a better
chance of being nursed for several years, always the optimum health choice.

but the ones who call to say the baby is weaning himself never have a baby
who gets to nurse whenever he wants. they have babies on schedules, who sleep
alone, and who are offered cups and bottles in lieu of nursing on an
increasingly regular basis.

this is not denigrate or deny your personal experience. i am guessing that
your breastfeeding experiences took place during a really bad period, when
breastfeeding was at a real low. you did a wonderful thing to choose to nurse
your child who had a congenital heart problem, still a difficult thing for
mothers to "get" to do. even now, six months breastfeeding is more than the
average length of time most babies get. not knowing any more details about
your experience, i would never criticize. the person posting about their
family member was asked, i think, about the situation. many of us get asked
this type of thing often. we have to try to understand, empathize, educate,
and gently try - for the baby's sake - to encourage nursing and discourage
weaning when it is "too early." leaving all emotional content aside, its a
health choice.

like, how long should you put your baby in a car seat? it sure would be
easier to just stick him on someone's lap instead. he already rode in it for
the first six months. isn't some better than none? i don't think hospital
staff ever willingly let a baby leave that does not have a car seat. i
remember thinking with my first two that if i didn't have the car seat they
would call a SWAT team or something, they were so insistent about it. has
anyone ever taken a baby home from a hospital where they were so insistent on
breastfeeding for at least a year?

carol brussel IBCLC

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