> They all are right in their
> views.  Breastfeeding is all those things and more.  If we dismiss other
> views without reflection and discussion, we diminish our ability to counsel
> the wide variety of people we will meet in our practices.
>
Well said. And if we can be positive and empathetic about their
feelings, we can help them even better. Sometimes they can even be
feeling good about their guilt... it is the reason that they are
motivated to do what is right, or at least the reason that they "can"
give, without making it sound like a selfish, self-righteous or
rebellious decision. Example: "I tried to let him cry it out, but I felt
too guilty, thinking of her lying there all by herself and miserable. So
I picked her up."  I would guess that a mother who says this does not
have the self esteem to say, "I realized that I knew what is right, and
I did it." I have seen many mothers come to a higher level of
self-knowledge and a fuller confidence in their instincts over time.
I don't spend a lot of time worrying about guilt at all, but I do try to
empathize with a mother who is feeling it. Lots of mothers feel guilty
about breastfeeding -- they don't have time for an older child because
they are preoccupied with resolving a problem, their husbands are
feeling abandoned, they are having problems and are afraid they are
starving their babies, etc. Telling them there is no need to feel guilty
is a waste of my breath. Exploring how they feel, as Jeannette
suggested, helps. So does saying, 'Oh, that sounds difficult!' If they
feel guilty about not breastfeeding, it is not fundamentally different.
In fact, I have a lot more trouble with the ones who could never be made
to feel guilty because they just don't feel like breastfeeding.
And the more I learn, the more I realize that just 'hearing' the feeling
is fine; I don't have to figure out if it is natural, beneficial,
compensatory or anything.
I'm lazy as a counsellor, as well as a mother... That's why I
breastfeed. (Don't ever call my child a lazy nurser, but I don't mind if
you call me one:-)
Jo-Anne


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