First of all, I would like to thank everyone who responded to my post. I
appreciated all the valuable input.
I saw my client yesterday. Her husband was a no-show. He told his wife he
forgot about the appointment and made other plans at work. Are we surprised?
Mother brought her 19 month old with her, and nursed on and off during the
visit. She stated that she felt her husband was "jealous" of the baby, that
he spends "maybe 5 minutes with him a day" and avoids coming to the dinner
table in the evening until after she and her 16 year old stepson and the baby
are done. She also said that he leaves the house at 4a.m. to go workout at
the gym, then plays some golf, comes home, showers and leaves for work by
10:30a.m., is hypercritical of her housecleaning and can be mean to me. (She
denied physical abuse.) Not much of a relationship, which she admitted. She
then told me she plans on leaving him, but he threatens her that he will sue
for 50/50 custody and get baby every other weekend (overnight stay so she
cannot nurse him) and every other holiday. She stated he has so little
contact with their son now that she fears baby would cry all night without
her there. WELL, IS THAT ENOUGH??? I pointed out to her that I was not
qualified to explore the area of her marriage with her, and since he didn't
come with her, maybe it would be time better served to explore HER feelings
around breastfeeding and did she have any issues she wanted to discuss?
Turns out she had plenty! Complained that the baby wanted to nurse whenever
he felt like it, whether it was convenient for her or not (like when she has
just gotten out of the shower and is trying to get dressed, or when she is in
the middle of her dinner). I asked her what she did and she said "I nurse
him". Anything else? Well, she complained that the baby nipple rolls her
other nipple while nursing from the opposite breast and makes her nipple
sore. He also switch nurses every few minutes (she was NOT exaggerating...I
saw this myself during the consult) for an hour at a time and that she found
it bothersome that he pulled up her shirt to nurse in public. When asked how
she handles the above scenarios, she said "I nurse or he throws himself on
the floor and screams in a tantrum". She co-sleeps and plans to nurse until
he is two years old, but admitted that she is not really enjoying the nursing
relationship with the demands he puts on her.
The rest of the time was spent exploring ways that she could begin to set age
appropriate boundaries and we developed a plan of action(s) that she could
take whereby she continues to breastfeed but not as the sacrificial lamb.
Mom called today very excited and said "It is working!" She stated that she
never thought to say "No nanny right now. Wait until mommy gets dressed,
then we will sit down and have some nanny." She said in her play group one
of the other woman with a 19 month old stated "I would never even think of
having Nicholas wait when he asks to breastfeed, no matter what I am doing.
Nothing is as important." She stated this comment by he peer influenced her
alot.
Turned out to be very interesting consult. Maybe when this mom learns that
her baby son will still love her when she sets healthy, age appropriate
boundaries....she might be able to try out some boundaries on her husband.
You think????
Loni Denman, RN, IBCLC
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