I tend to think there is an element of personal physical involvement with
the baby that mom was not counting on. There are moms who expect baby will
feed at the breast for 15 min +/-, then sleep soundly for 2-3 hours. When
her baby wants more than food at the breast, he wants mothering or
nurturing at the breast, and mom complains about never being able to keep
her clothes on, you get closer to understanding her expectations versus her
reality.
I've known a mom who complained that breastfeeding "takes so much out of
you". I later made the association between all the important things she
felt she needed to do in the day and how the relaxation hormones of
lactation took her energy away - in her perception. Add to that her
reluctance to tuck baby in her own bed because she, mom, can't sleep with
baby beside her, so she's sitting up nursing several times a night and
becoming exhausted.
We all have solutions to these situations, but it boils down to
expectations versus reality.
And where do those expectations come from? One place is in the hospital
with babies overfed on the bottle, then mummified in receiving blankets so
they sleep soundly for 2-3 hours. When that doesn't happen at home, mom
blames herself as incompetent. In the US, we think there is something wrong
if baby "needs" constant contact.
Even Nursery RNs complain that when baby won't settle at night or under the
Bili lights, it's because mom got baby all stirred up by handling him more
than the 30 minute time limit for energy expenditure. Mom held baby too
much. Now he wants it all the time. It's mom's fault. So they teach mom not
to hold him so much - but at discharge, baby still has his needs and mom
again blames herself as incompetent.
There are similar images in books and magazines implying that baby should
sleep all night 6-10 hours, because he needs his sleep. If not, it's mom's
fault. Marketing of formula plays into this expectation also.
--- Phyllis Adamson, IBCLC, RLC
--- Glendale, AZ, USA
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