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Subject:
From:
Joyce Jones <[log in to unmask]>
Reply To:
Lactation Information and Discussion <[log in to unmask]>
Date:
Tue, 9 Jun 1998 02:03:01 PDT
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If it can be built, it will be.  Joyce Jones

> > Subject: MW: funny story -Youterus

> > A substitute for natural pregnancy has been developed by Breed
Bronson, Inc., makers of Infantill formula and other baby products.
The YOUterus/Plus-centa unit was introduced in pharmacies and discount
stores nationwide today.
A company representative explained the rationale for the
product:
"Many women find it inconvenient to carry their fetuses and
maintain a healthy food supply for them for an entire nine months.
Pregnancy changes their figures, can interfere with job performance,
and requires avoiding drugs and junk food.  And some men don't like to
be reminded that female sex organs don't exist solely for them."
After a woman's fetus is implanted in a YOUterus/Plus-centa, the unit
is simply kept in contact with a body having a temperature of 98.6* F.
"But after the second trimester, " commented the representative, "the
fetus can maintain its own warmth.  It can be left completely alone,
except for periodic refilling of the Plus-centa feeding solution."
When asked if such technology would be an acceptable substitute for a
woman's experience of new life developing within her, the
representative stated: "We believe it will be fairly common for women
to carry their own babies the first few weeks, when the thrill of
motherhood is new.  But
soon, anyone experiencing nausea will be referred to our
product. Eventually, anyone appearing pregnant after 6 months will be
considered a fanatic."
"Eventually there will be psychologists, completely ignorant of the
history of human reproduction, who will state that after 6 months,
natural gestation is harmful to the fetus' independence."
 All preliminary research has indicated that artificially fed fetuses
are significantly less healthy than their naturally nourished
counterparts.  The Breed Bronson representative commented: "The
literature accompanying the units will state that natural pregnancy is
preferable.  But that won't affect sales.  We'll spend millions on
freebies to obstetricians, and they'll convey to their patients that
natural pregnancy is not greatly important, just a matter of personal
preference."
"Through advertising dollars, we'll also enlist the media.
Television will present natural pregnancy as abnormal by never showing
it. 'Yes, we're expecting,' your favorite sitcom character will say,
'our housekeeper is carrying the baby right now.'  Parents will come
to believe that pregnancy, especially in public, is immodest."
"In natural pregnancy, only mom carries and nourishes the baby. With a
YOUterus/Plus-centa, dad, grandma and sitter will all have equal
access.  We'll promote this idea that democracy, and not quality or
safety, is what is important in fetal feeding.
When asked if the company was concerned about government
regulation of a product proven harmful to developing babies, the
representative stated:  "Are you kidding?  We project the government
will buy one third of our units to distribute to poor women."



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