"My mom once told me that my brother (1937) was on the "official" 4 hour schedule and she would sit with bottle ready outside his room while they both cried until it was time for the bottle.  I was luckier on a 3 hour schedule (1941) and my sister was luckiest (1956) fed "on demand."

My mom also told me the same thing-she would sit outside my bedroom door crying while I cried alone in my crib because I wasn't happy with the 4-hr feeding schedule, but she stuck with it.  That's what the doctor said to do.  How sad.  When my kids were born, my mom didn't want to pick them up or hold them "because they will be spoiled."  Sometimes I would come in the room and see her holding the baby, and she would always have an excuse.  "Oh he was just starting to fuss-I think he had a little bubble so I picked him up but he can go back down now."  I used to tell her it was OK to just want to hold the baby-no excuses needed.  I certainly did.  But she just couldn't do it.

Advice like that so undermined mothering instinct.  Everything you felt as a mother was "wrong."  You were weak and had to toughen up.  Just another way to control women and make them feel inferior.  My mother scoffed when I told her I planned to breastfeed our first and did everything she could to discourage me.  Months later she told me how she tried to breastfeed my older brother but "never had enough milk."  She never even tried with me.  I had to assume all her discouraging comments were just meant to spare me the disappointment she dealt with when she "failed" as a mother.  What a sad commentary.

P. D. Gordon RN, BS, BSN, IBCLC
Clinic Manager, Home Visiting
T 302 283-7168
F 302 283-7151


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