Donna C., you paraphrased Pardee's statement about moms not doing things that
hurt--I think that unfortunately, sometimes they do--IF they have been lead to
believe that pain is routine for that situation. Two cases in point: How many of
us endured incredibly sore nipples because of a belief that "fair skinned women
just get sore nipples"? I did this twice. For 6 weeks. The first time, I did
believe that statement, and the second time around, even though my nipples were
cracked and bleeding before I left the hospital, I assumed that since I had gone
through it once, that I would go through it again. How many moms quit because of
nipple pain because they just figure they were not strong enough to handle what
most women must?

Second case in point. How many of you have ever gotten a call for info about
pumps and had the mom say something to the effect that "I'm using xxx pump, and
it hurts like the dickens and I don't get much milk out and it takes forever,
but other than that, it is a good pump!"

Notice in both of these cases, mom is basing her assumption that pain is normal
on outside information. Had she been encouraged to trust her gut feelings,
chances are she would have realized that the pain was something that should NOT
be happening and did not give up until she got the help she needed. This is an
extension of the danger (in my opinion) of giving outside "experts" deity status
to the point of ignoring common sense and intuition, etc. So many women look at
their doctors as infallable and all knowing and would NEVER think of questioning
what they were told. Some doctors treat their patients as if that is true, too.
Fortunately, there are MANY (and hopefully a healthy majority) who believe in
working WITH their patients rather than making decrees on high. This is
especially true when a health professional gives out parenting advice, that is
likely to be based at least partially on what THEY did, rather than any
research-based information they might have learned in med school. We need to
help these moms learn how to communicate with their doctors so that they can ask
intelligent questions and come up with plans that they can deal with. This makes
the doctors so much more effective!

Often this deity status is given to book authors, too. If it is in print, it
MUST be true. I tell moms that they have had a 9 month jump start on getting to
know their babies and if something doesn't sound right, then either she needs to
ask questions until she is satisfied, or she needs to find another expert!

I've wandered off into the weeds here. Sorry. Back to the syringe.... I would
not assume that a mom would not continue if it hurt. Especially in this country
where the "rule of thumb" seems to be "if a little is good, a lot is better." I
would make SURE that mom understands that if it hurts she is going too far and
that continuing will not necessarily help.

I suspect that I am restating the obvious and that this isn't necessarily
different from what you were suggesting. I just think we, as women, are far too
willing to be martyrs in the name of motherhood, and sometimes need gentle
reminders (or sledge hammer reminders) to listen to our gut instincts and act on
them.

In hindsight, BOY WAS I STUPID TO HURT THAT LONG! (If I knew then what I know
now....)

Melissa Vickers, IBCLC
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