LACTNET Archives

Lactation Information and Discussion

LACTNET@COMMUNITY.LSOFT.COM

Options: Use Forum View

Use Monospaced Font
Show Text Part by Default
Show All Mail Headers

Message: [<< First] [< Prev] [Next >] [Last >>]
Topic: [<< First] [< Prev] [Next >] [Last >>]
Author: [<< First] [< Prev] [Next >] [Last >>]

Print Reply
Subject:
From:
Darillyn Starr <[log in to unmask]>
Reply To:
Lactation Information and Discussion <[log in to unmask]>
Date:
Wed, 2 Mar 2005 16:08:11 -0700
Content-Type:
text/plain
Parts/Attachments:
text/plain (83 lines)
Those are good questions!  There are no established rules, as far as how 
breastfeeding by an adoptive mother should be handled, while the birth 
mother still has custody of the baby.  In many cases, the adoptive mom isn't 
around when the baby is born, and there is no chance to start breastfeeding 
before the baby leaves the hospital.  When the prospective adoptive mom is 
around while bmom and baby are still in the hospital, there are several 
things to think about.  Since there are no established guidelines in 
hospitals, in most cases, it is good to be very cautious around hospital 
staff.  I have known of some who have been very supportive and helpful of an 
amom who wants to breastfeed, invited her into the hospital nursery, offered 
a consult with a hospital LC, etc., and some who have tried to prevent the 
amom from even being able to see the baby, as long as it is still in the 
hospital.  I have also known of social workers, both from an agency, and 
from a hospital staff, who have tried to make it as hard for the amom as 
they can.

The bmom is another story.  Although it might seem like most would like the 
idea of the amom breastfeeding, many have a hard time with it, emotionally.  
For some, the thought of the baby they have just given birth to in someone 
else's arms is tough enough, but the thought of the baby at someone else's 
breast is almost more than they can handle!  I have run into mothers who 
have believed in the benefits of bf, and even done extended breastfeeding 
with the babies they had later, whom they were able to parent, who admitted 
that they still had a real hard time with the idea of an adoptive mom 
breastfeeding.  My belief is that, until custody of the baby has officially 
been transferred to the adoptive mom, what the birth mom wants is 
all-important.  Even though it is advantageous for the baby to be able to go 
to the breast immediately after birth, I am pretty soft on the idea of the 
amom doing so, unless she is invited to by the bmom.  All in all, I think 
the best policy is to try to get an idea of what the bmom might think about 
it, if possible, by asking hypothetical questions and seeing what happens.  
That would let the bmom know that there was an interest, on behalf of the 
amom, giving her the chance to give positive input and/or offer the amom the 
chance to bf immediately after birth, express displeasure about it, or just 
change the subject and avoid the topic all together.  That is true for 
social workers, too.  A sw who has a negative attitude against adoptive bf 
can cause a great deal of trouble.  It is important to be cautious in 
bringing it up.

However, I am also a firm believer that, once an adoptive mom has been given 
full responsibility for a baby, she needs to have full  control over how she 
carries that out.  In general, to give someone full responsibility, for 
anything, and then put restrictions on how she does that, tends to handicap 
the person's efforts, which is totally unfair.  The timing of when the baby 
can be legally relinquished by the bmom varies a great deal, from place to 
place.  In general, though, when the amom has been given physical custody of 
the baby, with it well established that the goal is for the adoption to be 
finalized, when the minimum time period is over (which is six months in most 
US states) is when adoptive moms start putting the baby to breast.  There is 
another consideration, which is when the bmom can legally relinquish her 
rights.  In most states, that can happen within a few days after the birth.  
In those cases, I tend to think that it is generally best to wait those few 
days, before taking custody and starting to breastfeed.  However, there are 
some places where there is a much longer time period before the bmom can 
sign anything binding.  In those cases, I think the drawbacks of waiting for 
months to have the baby start breastfeeding right after placement are 
definitely sufficient that it is worth taking some risk of disruption.

So, I guess I can't say anything real definite, but I hope it helps, some!  
The most important thing is for the adoptive mom to be prepared to start 
putting the baby to the breast, as soon as she gets custody.  It is also 
helpful for her to be prepared for it to take a little doing to get the baby 
started.  I see an awful lot of moms who throw in the towel after just a 
very few tries at getting the baby to breast.  Those who have done 
preparation in advance seem to be the most likely to get discouraged if the 
baby doesn't immediately nurse like a champ.  In many cases, that is due to 
too much of the focus being on milk production, rather than the nurturing 
benefits.

Darillyn

             ***********************************************

To temporarily stop your subscription: set lactnet nomail
To start it again: set lactnet mail (or digest)
To unsubscribe: unsubscribe lactnet
All commands go to [log in to unmask]

The LACTNET mailing list is powered by L-Soft's renowned
LISTSERV(R) list management software together with L-Soft's LSMTP(R)
mailer for lightning fast mail delivery. For more information, go to:
http://www.lsoft.com/LISTSERV-powered.html

ATOM RSS1 RSS2