Re: the comment "I just don't think she cared enough to keep it up.", and
the recent thread about how the "stuff" intereferes with breastfeeding.
Well, WE (all of us "Wise Ones" here on lactnet) all recognize the truth of
eveything that has been said on the topic here. But it bothers me a lot when
we take on the tone of "blaming" the mothers, or attributing the rampant
consumerism and its negative effect on BFing to mothers not caring enough,
or not being loving enough, or maybe even not being smart enough to get what
is obvious to us. We do families a grave disservice when we let ourselves
speak like that. I don't think that we'll ever get anywhere by blaming
parents for not always or immediately seeing what is so very clear to us.
We, after all, are professionals in the field (whether or not we're in
practice as "lactation consultants"); many of us have been doing this for a
very, very long time, and many of us even come from a different generation.
New parents are just that - new - and trying to do their "best" in the midst
of a culture that tells them almost everywhere they look that a lot of being
a "good" parent is about buying the "right stuff". Every ad they see, almost
every magazine article they read, all the recommendations from pediatricians
and friends and family members, is sending them the message that "to do the
very best you can for your baby, you need Product X or 'safety item' Y".
I'll cut my harangue on this short, because I think most of you here are
familiar with the whole rant anyway. But the parents are new at this whole
scene, and they mostly need some help and some time and some wise
information from the non-commercial perspective.
Yes, parents need to be responsible for the things they buy and the stuff
they aspire to buy for their kids.Absolutely! And yes, maybe to many of us
it has *always* been clear what the whole stuff scam is about. But it is
hurtful to others to believe that they are lured into buying all the crap is
because they don't care enough; it's more fruitful to assume that they want
to be the best parents they possibly can, and do our best (with kindness!)
to help them learn other ways of providing the REAL best - them!
I'll never forget how shocked I was when I went from doing home visits for
WIC to private practice; the very first house I went into as a
private-practice LC was expensive, immaculate, "decorated" like a
magazine-ad (the carpet had been raked - I'm not making this up!). And there
was this poor little tiny newborn baby, lying all alone upstairs in its
incredibly fancy "nursery" in its expensive designer crib in a room full of
toys and all the latest "stuff" (including all kinds of breastfeeding
gizmos). It just kicked me in the gut how here was this family who "had
everything" - except they *really didn't know* that you don't need a fancy
special support pillow with a velcro strap to BF, or the specially-designed
rocker for nursing the baby in, or the state-of-the-art baby monitor! And
here was this lonely little baby all alone in its room while Mom was
downstairs raking the carpet - it was sadder than anything I ever saw in the
busted trailers and abandoned bread trucks I visited families living in when
I worked for WIC! When I told the mother that it really would be *best* for
her to bring the baby right into bed with her at first, or at the very least
into the same room, she was honestly amazed; nowhere had she had the
opportunity to learn that her own physical presence was far more important
for her baby's health and normal growth & development than a baby monitor
with a video-cam.
Oh, I'm sorry I'm so long again - I keep promising myself that I won't go on
& on!
Cathy Bargar RN IBCLC
Ithaca NY
***********************************************
The LACTNET mailing list is powered by L-Soft's renowned
LISTSERV(R) list management software together with L-Soft's LSMTP(TM)
mailer for lightning fast mail delivery. For more information, go to:
http://www.lsoft.com/LISTSERV-powered.html
|
