Jan, When I was a young teenager I was part of a discussion with my
grandmother.  She was born in rural Russia in the 1880's, immigrated to N.
America in 1910, and was a pioneer in southern Alberta, Canada. (Very very
isolated open grasslands) She had countless pregnancies, 18 or 19 births and
10 children who survived infancy. Usually my grandfather did the deliveries,
only with the last delivery was she seen by a doctor and that was after she
had been in labour for 2 weeks (yes you read that correctly) and had been
brought to town in the back of a buckboard wagon. We were discussing her
feelings about the death of these children, in particular the death of her
first son. Although she was very old, she remembered the circumstances with
great detail and sadness.  When we asked if she knew why he died (at several
months of age) she simply shrugged her shoulders and said, "who knows?
babies died." in a very flat voice. It was a fact of life that had to be
accepted but that is different from not grieved.  At the same time she saw
family lost due to rabies, polio, infection, etc, etc.  Death was much more
an accepted part of life.  Did she hold back from 'attaching' to an infant?
I really don't know but she spoke with a great sadness and resignation.  My
mother describes a period where due to malnutrition (grandma always fed the
children before herself, which put the pregnancies at risk) several infants
in a row died.  She has clear memories of my grandparents crying
inconsolably at each loss.
        Whenever I hear someone describe the 'good old days' I shake my head
and think of the stories. As an aside, she did not breastfeed her children
as she said she never had enough milk, my mother did not brfd either so I
was told it was genetic and to forget trying. I nursed 3 children into
toddlerhood and beyond. So much for genetics. I have often thought that
breastfeeding might have reduced the number of pregnancies she experienced,
and increased the survival rates. This was very much a case of a young woman
with no assistance and 'instinct' not being enough to be able to succeed at
breastfeeding.

"Without interest and passion, nothing great has ever happened in history."
                                                                    G.W. Hegel
Rhoda Taylor, B.A., IBCLC         ph 604-748-4945
3346 Glacier St                   fax 604-748-2743
Duncan, B.C.                      e-mail [log in to unmask]
Canada,  V9L 3Z8