Amy,
In addition to the information in my prior post (7/24 LEGAL: Custody
battle), I offer the following pointers:
>Mother of 6 1/2 month old completely BF baby (never has taken a bottle &
>won't now) called our BF Warmline. Her husband has filed for divorce. Her
>husband's attorney told her she has to quit BF so her husband can have the
>baby on weekends. She consulted with two attorneys who told her that's
>true, she has to quit BF and get the baby on a bottle or they can force
>her to (like take the baby away from her).
Unfortunately, many attorneys, judges and others in the legal system see
breastfeeding as inconsistent with the father having a bond. This is just
not true, and it is important to get information to the attorneys so they
can see alternatives. My articles are a good starting point.
Second, is to look at what visitation the mother can provide the father. It
may well be that weekends are the only alternative, which means
breastfeeding goes out the window, if they live too far apart to have
frequent visits, if they cannot get along, or if restraining orders prevent
contact with each other. It is important to find out what they are doing
now (does the father have significant contact with the baby?), what each of
them seeks, and what their underlying interests are. In other words, why
does the father want weekends? Is it because they live 5 hours apart and he
feels this is the only way he can see his baby? Does he want a close bond
with the baby?
What efforts have been made to work this out? Have they been to mediation?
Remember that any mom, lawyer, LC or other expert, etc. can call me. Best
to call my home office at 954-929-9090.
>They also said that, since
>she's a stay-at-home mom,and baby breastfeeds every 3 hours around the
>clock, that's grounds for declaring her an "unfit mother", and, on that
>the baby could be taken away from her.
Again, this is nothing more than misinformation, which there is plenty of
in the legal profession. However, if the mother is claiming that the father
can not have any visitation because she is nursing every three hours, she
may well have a problem. Please remember that courts recognize that
breastfeeding is best for babies. However, they will NOT pick it over a
parent's bond. The way to protect breastfeeding is to show how Daddy can
have a bond, and breastfeeding be protected. Parents can and are deemed
unfit if they are denying the other parent a bond.
>I am reading what I just wrote and thinking "this has to be a joke"! How
>could three professionals all offer the above as legal advice.
Easy. I see it all the time. The legal system is just a reflection of
society's standards. How about venturing a guess on how many lawyers are
home breastfeeding their babies? Lets look realistically at how many
professionals view breastfeeding - or even the general public - look at the
reaction on the Leeza show to my comments about the current recommendations
for breastfeeding - I got booed several times, as the audience thought six
months was plenty enough.
>I will be
>talking with this mom more tomorrow.
Read my articles right away. Remember the new one in Mothering - its not on
the Web - Fall 1997 Issue no. 84. "In the Best Interests of Breastfed
Babies". Get her my articles ASAP. Let her know that she can call me, and
that her lawyers can call me.
>Right now, the shock and anger of
>this story are blocking my ability to think of anything except what would
>happen to me if I were deliver such a mandate.
It can be more than upsetting to hear a mother going through this. And to
not wonder how we would handle it. It may be hard for you to keep a clear
head on how to help her. Get support for yourself throughout this. Remember
to active listen - not give advice, but information. This mother needs help
dialoging with her lawyer - just as you help mothers dialogue with their
doctors. Feel free to call me yourself.
>I realize that there are two sides to every story, so I'm not trying to
>fight the battle, but I would like to give this mother information about
>her rights and I surely would appreciate your comments.
There may be two sides. And if the mother thinks breastfeeding will
restrict the father's bond, she needs information fast. If her anger is
clouding her judgment, she needs help to look at it more clearly.
Counseling is a wonderful source of help when the mother is justifiably (or
not) angry. Help her to see that she is the best person to help protect her
baby. And that she is stuck dealing with this man for the rest of her life.
That what may be best for her is for him to fall off the face of the earth.
But what is best for her baby and for her case is to help her baby to love
and want to be with him.
Liz Baldwin
_______________________
Elizabeth N. Baldwin, Esq. Baldwin & Friedman, P.A.
2020 N.E. 163rd St. # 300 N. Miami Beach, Fla. 33162-4970
Phone: 305-944-9100 Home office: 954-929-9090
Fax: 305-949-9029 [log in to unmask]
http://www.parentsplace.com/shopping/esq/index.html
Breastfeeding and the Law: http://www.lalecheleague.org/LawMain.html
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