>I must consider my brother's wishes on this; it is his daughter.  I am
>concerned about making a decision without his consent.  He is so focused on
>his wife's survival and we know that in most people's minds,
>the issues of breastfeeding and breastmilk at this point are probably long
>gone (not that it was ever a driving priority like it is for us).
>
>Would they resent it, resent how it might make this mom and dad feel, and
>think it absurd even discussing to suggest donated milk or butting baby to
>my breast?  You know that they already expect me to drop it.   Would it
>alienate them from
>me?  Would it portray breastfeeding in a negative, fanatical light and undo
>all the progress I have made with my family on the Kangaroo care?  I have
>so many worries.

Joanne,

When my friend was in the hospital with newly diagnosed cardiomyopathy I was
in an awkward position.  We were acquaintances from church and did not
really become friends until after the birth of her baby and subsequent
illness.  Before her baby was born, I gave her my card and offered my help
as an LC if she should need it.  Her husband called me from the ER while
they were waiting for the helicopter to ask what he should do about the baby
and the nursing.  I gave him some suggestions on preserving breastfeeding
until we had more information.  Mom saw a fellow Lactnetter at the bigger
hospital after transport and admission to the CCU.

I saw in her in the hospital twice, once while she was still pumping and
dumping and once the day after she stopped.  I really made a concerted
effort NOT to discuss breastfeeding, except in the most general terms.  We
really thought she would die or require an immediate transplant.  They knew
my stance on breastfeeding and human milk, they knew that I was willing and
able to help in any way possible and I was unwilling to risk causing them
any more stress.  I also had to step back and realize that, except for that
first phone call, they did not ask for my assistance as a lactation
consultant!

I was ready to broach the subject of relactation should she make a quick
recovery, but that has not  come up and do not think it likely at this
point.

We talked about it a bit yesterday and she said she really grieved the loss
of breastfeeding but feels 100% comfortable in the joint decision she made
with the doctors and her husband.  Do I agree with her decision?  I've
thought and thought about that and know that unless I was in her position I
could not even enter into a discussion about it.

My understanding is that there were/are other medications available but it
would have required alot more juggling of dosages, etc and might not have
been as effective.  She said she was not willing to take that chance with
her life so she could breastfeed.

I have let it go...I, too, grieved the loss of the breastfeeding along with
her.  I have tried hard to be accepting.  I didn't want her to feel weird
around me and think I was "judging" the bottle.  I wanted to celebrate the
new baby and the fact that my friend is still alive!

This baby is the first baby I have bottle-fed since I was a teenaged
babysitter.  I have no idea what to do...I keep looking for an extra
hand...I was feeding her during a meeting with food and I couldn't eat
because I had to hold the bottle, but I kept trying to reach for my fork as
if I were nursing and had an extra hand.

I don't know if this helps you or not, Joanne.  It is just some thoughts
from someone who has been in a similar situation as you and struggled with
the best way to help a family in crisis.

Kathy
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kathy Koch, BSEd, IBCLC
Great Mills, MD
mailto:[log in to unmask]
"Parents are often so busy with the physical rearing of children that they
miss the glory of parenthood, just as the grandeur of the trees is lost when
raking leaves. ~Marcelene Cox ~

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