Rene,
Here's where the "healthy detachment" step of non-codependence comes in. 
You are not responsible for other people's decisions. Yes, it is very 
hard when we know that human milk and breastfeeding are the greatest, 
and other people, especially people we love, don't believe us or act on 
that knowledge. I think all of us have had painful experiences with 
people we care about not bf despite our best efforts to assist, or who 
quit without even asking for our help.
Try to see this as HER decision, not YOUR failure. You can mourn for 
her, but realize that there is no magic you could perform to control 
another person, ever. Detach a little bit. Just a little.
Next, practice your responses to either outcome. Either "I'm so happy 
your baby is well" or "I'm so sorry your baby is ill." Either one 
expresses your concern. Neither says "told you so", which while 
temporarily satisfying to that nasty part of us that needs to be right, 
is not helpful in the long run.

It helps me to realize that people do the best they can with the 
resources they have. Knowledge is a resource, so are time, emotional 
support, ability to withstand anxiety and fear, money, etc. Some people 
who can't even think of bf are just too afraid to trust their bodies, or 
have had traumatic experiences that they don't have the resources to 
face yet.
Catherine Watson Genna, IBCLC  NYC

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