Even though there no NO justication for giving
>  free formula as a gift, the givers probably did do it in good faith.
They
>  are under the misimpression that formula feeding is normal, and
believe --
>  correctly in one sense, but wrongly in another -- that if the family
doesn't
>  want to use the formula it won't.   So to them it just seemed like a nice
>  gift, period, I betcha.  (Don't get me started on the formula company
that
>  donated the free case to the hospital -- another story altogether -- but
I'm
>  just focusing on the sadly clueless hcp's, right here.)
>
>  Mary, I think you are absolutely right to protest to them, but their
response
>  makes it clear that what they need is not more bullhorns but more
education.
>  Just like with the mothers, we need to meet them where they are.  I know
some
>  time has gone by and perhaps this is moot already in the particular case,
but
>  since we all know this is not a one-time event, here's how I might
organize a
>  second letter.  The main rhetorical points are:
>
>  1) Start by praising the person you have come to criticize for whatever
you
>  can legitimately praise them for -- no lies, but stretch yourself!.
>  2) Next bring the problems with what they did that you don't like -- but
>  don't focus on their having done it, just on the problems.  What they did
is
>  water under the bridge now; your job is to persuade them for next time.
>  3) Starting here, and for the rest of the letter, put them and yourself
>  together in the category of "we," rather than standing apart from them as
>  "you" vs "me."  Nobody takes advice from enemies.
>  4) End by imagining the situation you would prefer.
>
>  Here's an example.
>
>  "Dear Hospital Flunky," [obviously don't write this in your letter, but
it
>  does feel good to write it in private!]
>
>  "Thanks for responding to my letter about the free formula our hospital
gave
>  to So & So.  I want to assure you that I am confident that this gift was
>  given in good faith. and with good intentions. . . [That's #1]
>
>  "But even with those good intentions, there's a lot of research that
shows
>  that the good health choice to bf a baby is easily undermined by the
ready
>  availability of formula.  I'm attaching a couple of those studies, in
which
>  you can see that mothers who were perfectly confident about their bf at
the
>  time of discharge nevertheless weaned earlier if they got gifts of free
>  formula.   And we know what the results of that earlier weaning are for
their
>  babies: .....  [That's #2]
>
>  "Even though the mother may have felt at first that she has gotten a
great
>  present from us, in the long term the only one who will benefit from our
>  having given out formula is the formula company, which has used us to
>  persuade one more mother that switching bf to artificial feeding  is a
>  predictable step, one that she will take soon, and well before the first
>  birthday that the AAP recommends as a minimum term of bf.  Otherwise she
>  wouldn't need that formula at all.  [That's more of #2, and #3]
>
>  "I hope in the future that our good will toward mothers can be expressed
with
>  a gift that will not only please them when they receive it, but also
>  contribute to their health and their baby's health over the longer
term -- or
>  at least not undermine it." [That's #4]
>
>  If any of this helps, feel free to steal it or emend it at will!  (Not
just
>  Mary, either -- this is a blanket permission to all and sundry...)
>
>  Elisheva Urbas
>  who writes editorial letters all day for a living...
>

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