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Subject:
From:
Stewart and Margaret Wills <[log in to unmask]>
Reply To:
Lactation Information and Discussion <[log in to unmask]>
Date:
Thu, 13 Nov 2003 11:57:00 -0500
Content-Type:
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Marjorie describes her sister reporting in great detail how she doesn't
like breastfeeding, though she *might* be willing to continue some token
nursing if someone can *prove* some benefits.  Since the sister feels
she already knows Marjorie's views exactly, this could be construed as
baiting -- not the best sisterly behavior.  But since Marjorie has opted
to take the nobler road, it might help to re-read an article on the
pitfalls of being invested in a family member's decisions, from the LLL
Leader's magazine, LEAVEN,

"Helping Relatives Breastfeed"
http://www.lalecheleague.org/llleaderweb/LV/LVJulAug89p51.html

as well as the more general counseling article:

"Helping Mothers When You Have Strong Feelings About Their Choices"
http://www.lalecheleague.org/llleaderweb/LV/LVDec98Jan99p130.html

Affirm that *she* wants to research the choices she's making for her
baby.  Since this sister will dismiss LLL or LC materials, perhaps share
something "mainstream" like the strong AAP recommendation with its list
of references, and mention that many of these studies were done without
much attention to whether the babies were exclusively breastfed.  Maybe
mention a couple of excellent points made recently on Lactnet.  But it's
not your responsibility to *prove* anything to her, and her decisions
are hers.

Maybe turn the conversation from breastfeeding (where you're only going
to butt heads), to share some common ground, mother-to-mother: it would
be nice to get guarantees and "proof" for the many parenting decisions
we all have to make.  But after all our research, we're often making our
"best guess," and, frustratingly, with no control group -- so we can
always wonder what *would* have happened if we'd decided otherwise.
Those midnight ruminations go with the job.  Maybe it wouldn't be coming
on too strong to say, "I'm really happy with the decisions I made about
breastfeeding, and you'll make decisions that you feel will work for you
and your family."

Good luck.

Margaret Wills, LLLL, IBCLC

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