Hi all,
Going back to the topic of refusing the bottle, I just wanted to add my commentary,
that I explain to the moms, that the issue isn't so much FOOD but the fact that Mom is leaving the baby for the first time, and  in the hands of someone else.
If my dh or child would come to me and say, hey mom, I am leaving you, I would be sad. Even if for good reasons, I still would be sad. Now, if someone during those moments would also come up to me and try to stick something foreign in my mouth, or forcefeed me (as being not exactly on the thin side , I might consider it!!) that would be an even greater assault on my equilibrium!!

What happens, in fact, is that as soon as the mom deposits the baby in the capable (but generally not as capable as moms) hands of another caregiver, and the baby starts to cry, it is then automatically assumed that the baby is hungry. This, I believe is the start of an unending battle. For the first attempts at leaving the baby with another, and introducing the bottle, it is usually for a few hours only, if that.
The baby is most likely not even thinking about food at that crucial moment. Yet, the insecurity of the caregiver is what usually causes him/her to offer the bottle. They think - food first, calming later. or that the food will be what calms the baby down.

I try to encourage parents to worry more about the security and self confidence of the baby in being in the care of the caregiver, than to concentrate on the milk and the bottle. Once the baby is feeling more secure in the presence of another dominant person, then they will trust that person and rely on them for food. Feeding  is a very intimate activity, so it cannot be expected of the baby to adjust with the first try.
It is about building trust.

the other point is that if the baby is frantic, depressed, angry or whatever, then that is not the moment to stick a foreign object down its oral cavity.!! The baby should "arrive" at the table calm and willing, in order for this exercise to succeed and for the baby to eat successfully.

I recommend the moms get the baby used to the caregiver first, before initially trying to feed him/her whilst she is absent. I advise mom to leave the bottle and to leave ebm, but not necessarily to encourage its use. Not at least, until the baby has calmed down. It is surprising how this advice also calms the mom down and encourages her to try a more gradual (if at all) approach towards leaving the baby with others.

Ellen Shein, IBCLC
Tel Aviv


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