Had a call from a mom yesterday with a one month old baby spitting up,
crying, never content after feeding.  Formula fed.  Exclusively.
Tried all the standard ones, a few of the 'hypoallergenic' ones too.
Miserable baby. So...smart momma decides she will try to relactate and
breastfeed.  How that goes for her I may or may not ever know, but the
conversation we had is what I think is relevant.  She said "Everyone
says breastfeeding is best, but no one told me formula was not any
good. If I knew my baby may have a hard time with formula I would have
breastfed, she loves my breasts, I just didn't know it mattered so
much." We then discussed the differences and the how and the why of
not telling mommas the truth.  She did not feel guilty for not
choosing breastfeeding from the start, she was angry that along her
road toward motherhood NO ONE told her formula was not equally best
for her baby!  So, she understood breast is best, but did not really
think that the alternative what was not also best.  Interesting.  And
we talked about what would have helped her choose breastfeeding and
her answer was simple.  If one of her doctors or nurses along the way
had said the choice was not between equals she would have at least
tried...and likely done it seeing how much her baby wants to.

 I do think we have done a disservice to mothers and through them
their babies by beating around the bush with the truth.  While
cognitive dissonance makes it difficult to know you chose to formula
feed when breastfeeding was a possibility, I do not think it is the
same for those women who truly would if they could.  And I do not
think 'guilt' would come into play if women were well informed and
chose to ignore the information. Because those that chose to ignore it
are not likely of the ilk to feel overly guilty about parenting
choices anyway.  I do not think we are meeting a mother where she is
or choosing to  honor her choice to not breastfeed if we never told
her that it matters to her baby's health and to her health what choice
she makes. I will respect the choice she makes, but I want her to make
it fully informed and well aware of the consequences of that choice.
Women do not need patronizing they need honest information.

Best,
Pam MazzellaDiBosco, IBCLC, RLC
Florida, USA
Private Practice

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