Jay,
You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make her drink.  I suspect you
are crossing the line from helping to codependancy to take this much
responsibility for someone else's refusal to see an LC (trying to make
everyone go to her for free, etc).  You need to let go.  Healthy detachment is
a good skill for a future LC to learn.  Ever read "Codependant no More" by
Melanie Beattie?  Highly recommended.
        I had a similar situation today, a mom called (referred by a previous
client) to tell me why she didn't need a consult, despite her baby 'killing'
her nipples.  Why did this woman even call me?  I simply explained gently what
LC's do, when I am available, and my fee structure should she ever need me.  I
tried to empathize with how disconcerting it is to an experienced bf mom to
have difficulty bfing a subsequent baby and hung up.  Yes, I am annoyed about
this call, but I am not owning this woman's decision.  I suspect her friend
was pressuring her and she called to see if she could find fault with me so
she would not 'have' to see me.  This is not the first time someone did this
either...some people have a lot invested in doing it themselves.  You can only
have so much compassion for someone who chooses to withstand unneccesary
torture...
        A woman once came to LLL meetings while pregnant, really enthusiastic
to bf.  She had a cesarean, lots of seperation from baby, baby's sucking
caused nipple pain.  She decided not to even try nursing again until after the
bris (day 8) because her mother in law was staying with them.  The LLL Leader
explained why this might be problematic.  Of course by day 9 when grandma
left, baby wanted nothing to do with breast.  LLL Leader offered free SNS.  I
offered free consult.  Mom declined, saying she "had it".  She then went to
her pediatrician and complained that LLL made her feel awful about not nursing
her baby.  Ped now tells his moms to stay away from LLL.  See how some people
misinterpret offers of assistance?  No one was chasing this mother, she was
calling us for help.  Actually, I think she wanted to be told that her
situation was untenable so she could stop trying without guilt.
        Sorry for all this rambling, you touched a nerve.  Basically, a mom
who wants help will move heaven and earth to get it.  One who does not will
just cut you down.  I understand how frustrating, angering, etc these
situations are.  Try your slow relaxation breathing and cuddle your baby...
Catherine Watson GEnna, IBCLC  NYC  [log in to unmask]