In a message dated 2/27/1 12:27:00 PM, [log in to unmask] writes:

<< I think that my comments are

not welcome and I would rather just read at the website and look for

information that I need without asking questions.

 >>

Andrea,
In December, I was approaching a traffic light very slowly, leaving a parking
lot and some guy with an SUV didn't see me and smashed into my car. It was 3
days before Christmas and I had a lot to do and did not need this at all. At
first, I was really mad, but the guy was really calm and aplogized and took
total responsibility. My son was injured and it has been annoying to have to
take him to the chiro, but what was great for me as a learning experience was
that there was no hassle at all. My car was payed for, as was the rental and
my son's medical.
    At another time, I would have been immersed in taking it personally, but
the fact is that guy was not thinking about me or my life or how annoying
this would be for me. I could have really taken it personally when a week
after my car was fixed, I had another accident. It was the day after a major
snowstorm and she saw me, but I couldn't see her coming behind a snow bank.
Our lives collided momentarily in both cases. The first time I learned a
lesson about how simple things can be and the second time, I learned to just
take things like this in stride. These two accidents were not connected for
anyone except me, and only b/c I could connect them in my mind.
    Your timing in posting on Lactnet was just timing. Nothing to do with you
or whether or not your posts are welcome. Believe me, I am certain I have
tried the patience of the listmothers myself. I do tend to get very
passionate about my points of view. But, I also know the internet is not a
place to draw conclusions about ourselves and whether or not we are worthy,
welcome, or whatever. We are interacting with so many people in a small
moment in time whose lives we know very little about. It's a lot like one of
those disaster movies where you see everyone's life beforehand and then they
all just happen to be in the same place at the same time to share a brief
moment together. (Not that I personally believe there are any coincidences,
but the analogy still holds).
    So, IMO, (which I know you didn't ask for!), if you want to be on this
list or any other and you know you are behaving appropriately and you are
getting something worthwhile from it, then please just let the stuff which
seems personal roll off. And don't be afraid to say what you need to say. I
always tell my children that if they ask, they may not get what they want,
but if they never ask, they will absolutely not get what they want. And, even
I feel intimidated on this list sometimes by the whole "evidence-based
practice" thing, which grates against my organic nature and feels like the
medicalization of bf to me. So what. No place will ever be perfect, unless it
is too safe to allow for challenge and growth.
    So, that is my soapbox, pep talk moment.
Be well.
Jennifer Tow, IBCLC, CT, USA

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