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From:
cmcarnaby <[log in to unmask]>
Reply To:
Lactation Information and Discussion <[log in to unmask]>
Date:
Fri, 8 Oct 1999 18:47:51 -0700
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Diane wrote
<<My 11-or-so year old heard me talking about a pop radio psychologist who
says if you let
that baby in your bed you'll never get him out.  "That's a *lie*!" he said,
his eyes flashing fire.>>

I remember bed sharing with my younger 2 children (now almost 13 and 10
years) and not my first born (now 15). Following well meaning advice from my
pediatrician, I carefully fed him, despite loud (crying) objections, "not
sooner than every 2 hours and never let him sleep in your bed" (And this
came from a pediatrician who claimed to be very supportive of
breastfeeding.)  Out of sheer survival, the now 10 and 13 year olds, were
rountinely brought to the bed to feed and sleep.

My firstborne was parented "by the book",  with no. 2 and 3, I threw it out.
Experience, the great teacher!!
As mothers, we know through our hearts, minds, bodies and souls what our
children need.  I think as first time mothers we may lack the necessary
tools or wisdom to draw upon. I suggest to new parents to trust their
instincts, discover the uniqueness of their babies, and find professionals
who will listen to them.

As far as 20/20, I find it ironic that the interviewer presented how the
family bed might cause divorce and or breakdown of "normal" marital
relations.

New parenting in general may produce some conflict in relationships, but
probably not significantly in marriages where open communication is
practiced.  Dads and moms who value their children and see their needs as
top priorty will not in all likelihood, allow a small break in their
"marital relations", vis a vis the family bed, to sour a marriage. As stated
by the couples on 20/20 who co-slept with their chilldren:  they got very
creative -- found another room in the house. Moreover, mature adults can
withhold their needs for a while to take care of their children.

I have heard the radio talk show psychologist advise callers not to bring
their babies to bed at night.  It seems odd that such a strong family/child
advocate has this position, as she also tells divorced, single parents  to
avoid sexual relationships and dating to better meet the needs of their
child.  Why is it ok to hold off on your needs if you are divorced, but not
if you're married?   Just wondering.

(Side bar, she also advises women not to have breast implants and reminds
callers that the risks of surgery outweigh vanity.  She mentions
breastfeeding frequently and advocates in her usual matter of fact way.)
It's ironic that this very same child advocate who is pro breastfeeding is
against adult/child co-sleeping.  Maybe there is more to her position than
what is seen at face value. Maybe she hasn't read the work of McKenna, and
others. Ahh, do I hear a fax to her show calling?  She has been mentioned on
this list in the past.  Has anyone ever sent submissions to her show?

Out of lurkdom,

Cathy Carnaby,RNC, IBCLC
Omaha, NE
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