Hi, Gretchen! With the proviso that all that follows is my
opinion only, I would like to say: I tend to agree with you that
this is a high-needs baby, and combined with the high-needs mom,
I can appreciate that this is a difficult situation. First, I
would try to persuade this family to go for professional
counselling, somebody sympathetic to every family member's needs,
but also practical. This mom is in a whirlpool of trying to
satisfy everyone, but in the end, sacrificing too much (or many)
for the 6 month old. If they don't agree to professional
counselling, you fill the breech, and try to gently explain to
the mom that it's not in the best interests of the family for her
to sacrifice herself and possibly the health and growth of the
fetus for a high-needs baby of 6 months. I understand her needs
and those of the baby, but I have seen serious family
dysfunctions caused when mom is trying to be Supermom. We do the
best we can, not better than we can. This mom is not coping, and
I don't believe that it will get better (in fact, I think it'll
get worse). High-needs kids are special and require special
approaches, not ones that we would necessarily consider for
normal kids. Everything needs to be done with love, lots of it.
High-needs babies can grow into manipulative mini-tyrants, and it
doesn't sound like this mom needs this on her plate further down
the road. Therefore, I would suggest things off the top of my
head that I certainly do not usually suggest, remembering to do
with LOVE:
(1) get the baby out of the family bed, into his own bed, in a
separate room. Have dad deal with him at night until he changes
his night nursing schedule to something more reasonable/age-
appropriate. (2) Try a pacifier (never thought I'd hear myself
suggest this!) (3) Try a different solid in evening before sleep
(maybe a bit of cereal?), or give baby a bit of chamomille tea
(which acts on me like sleeping pill!).
Please keep us informed. Judy Knopf in Beer Sheva, Israel