I wonder about the statement  <the baby does fine when mom travels.>  I
think it is unlikely that the baby is "fine"  -this is a subjective thing,
and I think many caregivers either 1. give an overly positive report
(possibly in order to make moms feel better) or 2. fail to recognize some of
the signs of a baby who is NOT "doing fine."  Some caregivers define whether
a baby is "fine" or not based largely upon one measure-whether or not he
cries.  Other signs that a baby is upset or despondent may be:  being very
quiet, extra sleeping, pale complexion, stiffness rather than cuddliness,
averted gaze, poor appetite.  As we know, for many people, a quiet baby is a
good baby.

My LC partner once had to leave her baby at around eight months of age for
about a half an hour.  The baby was asleep at the time, and her five older
brothers and sisters were at home and ready to take care of her if she awoke,
which of course she did immediately after the mom left.  They all gathered on
the sofa, holding the baby and talking to her.  When her mom walked back in
the door twenty minutes later, she had the chance to observe the whole scene,
unnoticed.  She saw her baby, pale, lifeless, and still, sitting there with
all these siblings.  Then, when the baby heard her mother's voice, she
described it "as if she came back to life."  Her color improved, her
expression changed, and she resumed normal behaviors of laughing, babbling,
etc.  Many would have said she was "good" or, "quiet" while mom was gone, but
it was clear to this family that she was not fine.

As LCs we are becoming ever more skilled at helping mothers solve
breastfeeding problems but sometimes what may be most needed is to gently try
to help improve the quality of the mother-child bond, an admittedly much more
difficult challenge.  Chan said: <We talked a lot about the baby viewing this
as a way to snuggle up with mom, get her attention, make up for lost time,
etc., and the mother acknowledges this , but is still desperate for things to
try.>  She is desperate but not everything has an easy answer, one of the
things I find most difficult to communicate to a mother, except to say "you
know, I don't think there's an easy answer for you."    We know that babies
may at times want to nurse this way regardless of what else is happening in
their lives.  This is my theory, and as far as ideas, I think lots of empathy
for the difficult aspects of being separated, both for the mom and for the
baby,  and also for the difficult aspects of nursing a toddler, and of
co-family sleeping (none of these things are swell ALL of the time!) are
important.  Very possibly this mom may be able to come up with an answer from
within her own heart sometime soon, if given the chance, through respect and
empathy.  Chan, good luck with this mom- she's lucky to have a caring person
to help her.  Sorry this was long

Thanks to Martha Brower for mentioning Reviving Ophelia- I also loved it very
much and think it required reading.  Another similar book of note for BF
advocates is High Risk- Children Without a Conscience by Ken Magid and Carol
McKelvey.  Magid was the keynote speaker at the LLLI conference last month.
 He is telling us that non attached children are our future psychopaths- some
of whom will grow up to be government officials and bank presidents  He says
the best way to "inoculate" the child against the dangers of non attachment
are to begin by breastfeeding.  This is a powerful book.-Sue Jacoby, IBCLC &
LLL