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Subject:
From:
"Linda J. Smith" <[log in to unmask]>
Reply To:
Lactation Information and Discussion <[log in to unmask]>
Date:
Mon, 9 Dec 1996 21:21:25 -0500
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Hi all,

The issue to remember in custody cases is not mom's rights nor dad's rights. The issue is the BABY's needs. The baby deserves a loving relationship with both parents. It's not right for the father to force the baby away from mom before the baby has naturally developed the capacity to separate easily, because that jeapordizes the baby's relationship with mother. Likewise, it's not right for the mom to attempt to deny the father's access to the baby unreasonably, because that jeapordizes the baby's relationship with the father. Long separations from either parent are not in the baby's best interest. Severing or disrupting the bond with either parent is unhealthy for the baby. The baby/child simply can't choose sides without losing substantially in the process.

However, if faced with absolutely no choice to work out a visitation schedule or pattern in close concert with the baby's ability to separate, biology makes it imperitive to side with the breastfeeding mother. Only the mother has breasts that make breastmilk, and the importance and biology of THAT relationship is gender-specific and tremendously important to the baby.

Whenever I'm called to testify, I try to make the case that the adults should put aside their animosity towards each other and think about the baby. Dads simply have more flexibility in their lives than do breastfeeding moms.  I strongly counsel fathers to be patient. When the baby weans of his own accord, he'll likely go gladly to daddy's house for a whole weekend. The fact that he's still breastfeeding (at whatever age) is evidence that he NEEDS to be close to mom and therefore any adjusting of schedules needs to be done by the dad. Breastfeeding doesn't last forever, but good relationships with both parents, divorced or not, do.

Linda Smith, facing another court date next week on behalf of a mother and 14 month old baby.
Dayton, OH

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