Subj: Intolerance (to lactose or to lactating women)

9/20/05
Dear Ms. Flowers,

Thank you for your contribution to the discussion about where babies and
their mothers might breastfeed and how the other people who are present
might respond. A lot has been written about this topic, and we're nowhere
near reaching a resolution yet. 

I gather from your commentary that you were rendered uncomfortable, even
"very uncomfortable," because
a) a client gave her baby her breast while consulting with you, and 
b) she did this without asking, "Do you mind if we nurse?" 

In fact, she assumed that you would not mind, when the truth was that you
did, and you had no opportunity to say so. So you have used your column to
tell us all instead.

I also gather that if she had asked for your permission to breastfeed, you
would have denied it and offered the mom and baby accommodation in the
bathroom or a vacant office.  One question that comes to mind with that
scenario is, would the time that elapsed while the mother cared for her baby
be billable time for you? You and the mother had been conducting a business
transaction. If you chose to interrupt it for an indefinite period-nursings
can last anywhere from a few seconds to an hour plus-then it is your time
that would have been wasted. It seems only right for you to pay for the lost
time, since you were the person with the problem.

Instead, you chose to "[guide] the consultation to a swift conclusion." I
wonder whether your client received the full benefit of the service that she
was paying for. If not, perhaps you should consider lowering your fee for
the consultation.again, you were the person with the problem.

Your essay brought up the question of competing rights. As a lawyer, you
must have to deal with this all the time. There are three people's rights to
consider here, the baby's, the mother's, and yours. 

You leave no doubt that you support the baby's right to receive appropriate
care. You phrased it in terms of "eating," but I would like to suggest that
the issue here is really "sucking." Babies and young children spend a lot of
time sucking-on thumbs and fingers (usually their own), on toys, on
artifacts specifically made for the purpose (bottle teats and pacifiers),
and on their mothers' breasts. Babies suck at the breast for food, for
drink, for soothing, to aid digestion, to fall asleep, and probably for many
other reasons that we grownups haven't figured out (or have forgotten). 

It seems from what you say that it's only sucking on a breast that bothers
you. If a care-giving father had consulted with you and brought his
pacifier-sucking infant along, there wouldn't have been a problem, right? 

So this brings us to the second person's rights. Does a lactating mother
have the right to give her child the breast in public and private places?
(By the way, is a law firm-a place of business-public or private?) If your
office is a public place and located in Philadelphia, then a city ordinance
specifically says that she does. Further, it says that when she breastfeeds,
she cannot be "segregated," as in "sent to another location like a vacant
office or a bathroom." 

If your office is a private place, then I suppose that what your client does
with her baby there is between you and her. I absolutely agree that it would
have been only common courtesy for her to ask you, her host, "Do you mind if
we nurse?" And when you said yes, it would have been up to her to decide
whether she wanted to continue to use and pay for your services. 

Perhaps a compromise could have been reached. Suppose she turned her back
but continued to talk and listen to you.would that have been acceptable to
you? Suppose you turned your back? Suppose you went to the vacant office and
called her on the inter-office phone? Would any of these solutions have
allowed you to be comfortable continuing to provide her your professional
services? It's too bad she didn't ask, so the two of you could have had this
discussion.

So now we're at the third person's rights, your right not to be exposed to
what you consider an offensive act. In case you're wondering, I fully
support your right not to have your clients smoking, playing loud music, or
urinating in your office. The problem with comparing these behaviors to
nursing is that each of them produces a noxious effect-toxins in your air,
interference with effective communication, or pee in your potted palm. With
babies it's different. A fussy baby makes adult conversation much more
difficult than a baby who is quietly smooching at the breast-although I
admit you never can tell with babies. Lots of things they do are not quiet.

So I think the issue boils down to this: should an adult caregiver be
allowed to bring a baby along to a consultation with a professional? Surely
it's your right to tell people not to bring babies to your office. But if
you go that route, then I think that the prohibition should apply to ALL
babies, not just the nursing mothers with their babies. Otherwise, it sounds
mighty like gender discrimination.

And this brings me back again to the mother. I think there are a lot of us
out here who don't want to see a woman forced to stay home, in a "private"
place, because she has elected to care for her baby in the way that is
recommended by public health bodies, health care professionals, many of the
major religions, and taxpayer-supported government programs like WIC. Women
have things to do in the public sphere, even when they have babies. Women
have business to transact, they have contributions to make, they have work
to do, and they might even want to have some fun. 

Instead of expecting a woman to check out of public life for a year or two
every time she has a child, let's put our heads together as a culture and
find ways to welcome and support her and her baby. This might mean that
people sometimes see a baby at the breast. And I bet the more they see it,
the less of a problem it will be. When my mother was young, it was
considered improper for a pregnant woman to appear in public. When I was
young, you rarely saw disabled people, like people with Down syndrome, in
public. But attitudes have changed, and attitudes toward nursing babies can
change too. We just need to keep the conversation going.

Yours truly,
Chris Mulford
former breastfeeding mother

 
 
 

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