Sounds like this poor mom could use some psychotherapy.
We've all come away scratching our heads when we see moms who quit bf
for a minor problem, or make a problem by just not putting the baby to
breast in the crucial first hours and days. Women differ in their
self-efficacy, how well they can carry out concrete steps to achieve
their goals. This mom sounds like she has very low self-efficacy.
Sometimes it can help to actively 'problem solve' with her.
Me: "What do you find stressful about pumping 8 times a day
(Breastfeeding , etc)?"
Mom then names something and I reassure her that other moms have that
concern too, and then we think up some ways we can make it less
stressful. (Empathy and emotional support first, information second). If
you can identify what is making her feel overwhelmed, she will have more
energy to spend caring for her baby. It might not even be what she's
complaining about at first, it can take 3 or 4 exchanges before she
tells you her real fears. In this case, her daily needs seem to be
secure, and she has physical assistance, so the fears are probably
emotional. The transition to motherhood is challenging when mom has poor
attachments in her own life, or poor emotional self regulation.
Breastfeeding helps both these things, but moms with attachment
difficulties may struggle at first to let go and let the baby have
enough access to them to stimulate that mothering behavior and feelings.
For this mom, I'd probably encourage her to bottle feed the baby right
at her breast, so he gets calm about being at breast, then see if she
can get him to take the breast after he has some from the bottle. She
will be calmer if baby is calmer. We can get her working more on her
supply once she feels her baby really likes breastfeeding.
Good luck, I think the mom whose words and actions contradict each other
are the most frustrating.
Catherine Watson Genna BS, IBCLC NYC cwgenna.com
On 7/31/2013 12:59 PM, Martina Carabetta wrote:
> Mary Kay,
> your msg comes the day after one home visit that stumped me just like
> you.
> Mom aged about 40, breast augmentation, 1st son, elective C-sec at
> 37wk-4dys in one very exclusive private clinic, baby bottle-feeded day 1
> "because I was too tired". At home she is pumping 2 times a day just a
> few drops, baby eats every 4- 4,5 hrs his bottle of formula.
> When I explained her what we had to do to solve the problem (baby at day
> 6) she started to say that she doesn't want to "stress" the baby, she
> wants him to be happy and satisfied, she cannot hear him crying. He's
> totally nipple-confused and has no idea what to do when put at the
> breast.
> Sigh. Yes M'm, the strategy is *not* to put him at breast when crazy for
> hunger... ok, she said, but I can't pump more than twice because it is
> too much stressful (in the meanwihle her mom and the waitress were
> cleaning home, putting the cleaned and ironed clothes in drawsers and so
> on... Mom told me 'ok, I'll think about that'.... I went away thinking
> what else I could do for that baby...
> Hugs
> martina
>
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