Just saw some nice comments on this issue and wanted to add my own little bit
( I know I came in in the middle so pass over what has already been said) :
Parents who are used to seeing bottlfeeding all the time around them, who
have birthed into a bottlefeeding culture are often clueless about the fact that
bottlefeedinga as a feeding skill is very different than breastfeeding, as
well as the fact that bottlefeeding as a physical-emotional-sensory experience is
a hugely different experience. I have started pointing out to parents not
that breastfeeding is "harder" but that some aspects of bottlefeeding are
unnaturally easy ( baby does not latch onto a bottle, it is already shaped and just
goes into the mouth, usually by being pushed by the feeder) and others are
unnaturally hard ( may be perceived as invasive, uncomfortable, flow is constant
and uncontrollable except by tongue-thrusting, and the flow remains constant
during the entire feeding as opposed to normal feeding at breast where volume
transferred near the feeding's end is less than earlier in the feeding in
response to what has already happened between mom and baby.) The mother's body
"knows" a baby's feeding has been progressing, a bottle knows nothing except fluid
dynamics. The idea of respectful bottlefeeding ( how I sometimes refer to Dee
Kassing's JHL-printed style) is a new one to them. A baby who has been an
active participant in feeding, whose signals are noted and responded to, and then
the baby initiates latch and feeding, etc., is only smart to take note of
the fact that a bottle being stuck into his/her mouth can be rude, even
invasive. and add that to the fact that fluid dynamics, for some babies, mean they may
be overwhelmed by flow, gag, etc. Parents often later say " I never noticed
it til you mentioned it, but yes he does "look worried, eyes big, sound gulpy,
sound gaggy"' whatever. Parents are used to the idea that you stick a bottle
in a baby's mouth, they feed, it's easy. But then again, if breastfeeding is
natural and that takes practice and finessing, why should something unnatural
and out-of-control be accepted easily? :) The other fact that is often hard for
parents to hear, but I myself believe is true, have seen it myself, is the
loss of the intimacy that normal feeding offers when baby is bottlfed. No skin
contact, no mom smell, no heartbeat, no perfect body temp., fresh milk, no
rhythm and response to the flow and feeding pace. When mom leaves some babies
will actually grieve, they power down and seem depressed. Most get over it but
one baby I knew did not. The mother knew this was an emotional issue of grief
more than "simply" the different skills required since the baby would take a
bottle from her, but only her, not even the husband. When she went to work the
baby refused to eat, became lethargic, and acted depressed all day even though
the caregiver was a loving daddy. She was told by a smart pedi and his wife we
all know that she had two choices: stop leaving the baby for now, or push
through, break the baby's spirit, wait for the survival instinct to kick in, and
yes it would most likely eventually feed. ( My paraphrasing.) The mother
decided to take a leave of absence from her job at a baby magazine. I don't know
what happened months later, but this was her solution at the time ( baby was
about 4 months then if memory serves.) Denying the real emotional stress that
separation can place on a normal, well-attached baby can hinder understanding
about why a baby is "so stubborn." Supporting a mother committed to returning to
work means acknowledging this reality while giving her all the tips and
support one can give. If this is this mother's reality, she may need to look at it
like other parenting non-negotiables. If the baby gets upset in the car seat,
they still have to stay in it til it's safe to stop and not be in it, if baby
gets upset during vaccinations ( if the parents choose this) or necessary
tests the parents feel are justified, these stressful events will still be
"allowed" to occur for the "greater good." Some mothers are open to bringing the
baby to work for a time, for others this is impossible and bottlefeeding seems
the only option for a very young baby. Understanding the emotional and
physical--physiological reasons why bottlefeeding might not come easily should help the
family achieve healthy feeding relationships and successful feeding
strategies.
My that was LONG!
Judy LeVan Fram,PT, IBCLC, Brooklyn, USA
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