Pat wrote:
<< I reach over and massage the breast from the chest wall toward the nipple,
the baby begins to pick up his suck, and I say to dad, "Dad, this is how you
can help to feed your baby and be part of the feedings. >>

This is from a couple of weeks back--but I felt I had to let you know what a
negative response I had to this personally. It would have really made me
angry if someone assumed I wanted my dh to massage my breasts during
nursings. I would not have considered this helping me at all. I would just
find it invasive and the assumption that it was helpful very annoying.
    I do not personally think dads need to be a part of nursings. My dh is
fabulous with babies, but he has never felt a need to "help" me nurse my
babies. I think we spend way too much time interfering with the bf
relationship in our rush to find a place for everyone else. It is imperative
that mothers and babies attach immediately. The same depth of attachment can
take time for fathers and other family members and nothing is lost
biologically. I think the rush to attach dads comes from our cultural
expectations and our economic dependence on men. Which may be a good reason,
too, but is still overdone IMO. It feels extremely contrived to me.

<< (BTW, I've never had a dad that needed a lot of instruction on breast
massage and compression.)>.

Probably not, but I have also seen a lot of talk from LC's or nurses to dads
which feeds upon our cultural attitudes about the breast. I'm not sure it is
in the interest of breastfeeding or the mother's image of her body to
validate such beliefs.

<,We have learned ways to help involve the husband in childbirth and we
encourage their help there. >>

Yes, which is, IMO, one of the reasons that childbirth goes so badly today.
Not the inclusion of dads, but the way that childbirth education tends to be
geared towards their learning style and their concerns, rather than those of
women.

<< They do feel left out of the breastfeeding, but with a little creativity
we can include them and in doing so enhance the breastfeeding for mom and
baby and dad.>>

Maybe, but I just think they should grow up and get over it. And, yes, I am
really serious. When I think about all of the time and effort new mothers put
into appeasing fathers who want their needs to be first, I blow a fuse.
Wasn't there a post awhile back showing it was lack of father's support that
was most disastrous for bf? You could use that as an argument for this
inclusion effort, but I see it as indicative of our need to educate women
about the importance of mothering their babies, no matter what anyone else
thinks. I don't really believe that in the end a father who is terribly
self-centered is going to care that we showed him how to massage a breast.
    I think nursing needs to be more of a "matter-of-fact" kind of thing, the
way that AF is now. It's just what mothers do and dads do other stuff.
Jennifer Tow, IBCLC, CT, USA

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