Yes, I have it.

In fact, my husband is severely ill at the moment, and is in emergency 
respite, and a case conference is being called by social services to 
discuss the family support we're (not) getting from his various support 
teams.  Part of the conference will be looking at what impact lack of 
support is having on my son (Daddy has been a bit irrational at points 
over the past few months, from a combination of exhaustion and new drug 
therapies).  With this in mind, I had to call in the Health Visitor this 
week, and sit her down and discuss with her that I was scared that those 
who don't know us, may raise the issue of my son's breastfeeding at 33 
months as "a problem".  So I had to sit her down, and explain out how 
normal it was, that it was part of the WHO guidelines etc, and if it was 
raised, I expected _her_ to take it on the chin and refute any comments 
on the breastfeeding.  That I wasn't going to be put in a position to 
'defend' perfectly normal and desirable practice.  As I have a wonderful 
Health Visitor, she took this openly, and we did some talking about his 
developmental spurts, his weight and growth, what foods he was being 
offered etc.  We did even weigh him and check his height out, and fill 
in charts, so she could say, profesionally, there was no problem.  She 
has had three toddlers breastfed in her entire career - and she's been 
working for over 20 years.  This is a higly affluent, middle class area 
with a high proprotion of intelligent older mothers.  If anyone should 
be seeing higher rates of toddler breastfeeding, she should.  Mine being 
the third in her career, makes me sad.

We finished with the clear plan that if anyone said anything - she would 
refute the point from her position as health professional: it would not 
be up to me to defend my choices.   We also covered other parenting 
practices, such as bed sharing and allowing my son to take control of 
his envorment in a pro-active way.  She really struggles with this 
issue, more than the breastfeeding actually, but she does keep slogging 
at her own preconceptions when she finds herself thinking I'm 
endangering my child's life by letting him stand on the sofa arms.

Of course, no one may say anything about the breastfeeding- but as you 
say Laurie, the fear is there.  In public, I run a constant battle of 
worry with myself, in case my son really needs nursing when we're out.  
I deflect and distract and try to avoid it at all costs.  If he does 
really really need it, I will feed him, as I won't allow him to be that 
distressed, but I'm shaking inside all the time.  It's even harder these 
days, to do so if people are visiting, but this is our home, and what 
we're doing is, as I said, not only normal, but desired behaviour.  I 
know it's important for others to see normal nursing practices, so I do 
applaud myself when I manage it without much internal 'cost'.  But 
equally, my own sense of personal safety is also important, and I have 
no problem on days when I need to run and hide to make me feel safer.  
Whan Mama needs camoflage, Mama uses camoflage.

Laws make a huge difference on this personal sense of fear - when he was 
under two years, and we visited Scotland on holiday, I felt liberated!  
The fear turned to a quiet sense of bravado, for I knew if anyone said 
anything, I could complain on them!  The current legislation being set 
up for England makes me shake, and I'm hoping it won't be passed.  For 
it actually says it's okay for a women to breastfeed a child under a 
year... and if she is doing so discreetly...!!!!  In other words, we're 
creating a law that will be used as a stick to beat mothers with!  It's 
bad enough that's it's only stating 12 months - thereby making clear 
that older than that is not acceptable, but to actually state that the 
mother has to be doing it 'discreetly'?  With no definition of what 
'discreetly' is?  What a way to set us all back a couple of decades.

Having said all that - we need to concentrate on the positives.  Namely 
the internet, and forums such as this.  At the back of my head in this 
awful meeting I had to have with the HV in order to 'prep' her, I was 
thinking that if anyone did make a fuss, did suggest what we were doing 
wasn't 'normal' or was 'suspect' in some way... I knew I could call in 
the  mighty weight of LactNet to smash them into smithereens.  The sheer 
professional credentials level in here, and the amount of evidence based 
research I could have garnered in hours, if required, was enough to give 
me confidence.  And the huge network the internet affords me, of like 
minded mothers.  I'd been meaning to post on it anyways, as I had 
reflected that the HV knew only of two other mothers, whereas I live in 
various communities of dozens of mothers nursing their toddlers.  So I 
could say with confidence, that my son's suckling needs were not that 
common in terms of toddlers who were still breasfteeding, but were 
entirely normal and within clearly understood and identifiable 
parameters of what 'normal' was.  Not common, but utterly normal.

I said before that the mothers of nursing toddlers carry the weight of 
changing attitudes to normal breastfeeding patterns.  We are the ones 
out there, doing the hardest and scariest bit, with the most sense of 
fear and worry.  The strength of community we have through the internet 
allows us to be more open, and to continue on being open, as we have a 
sense of strong defence available if things go wrong.  But no one wants 
it to go wrong on them: nursing a toddler is too special and too pure, 
for any of us to want to face such base and injurious horrors. 

And again, it's one reason why I fly into a fury when other so called 
'supporters' use us as the 'measuring stick' of their own legitimate 
desires in establishing _some_ breastfeeding.  Making statements like 
"I'm not saying breastfeed them up to kindergarden but..." or "Well, 
anyone nursing a toddler in the park knows what to expect..."  Setting 
us up as the really extreme weirdos (me), in order to legitimise their 
own 'younger' breastfeeding experiences.  But on this, I'm in danger of 
being a broken record!

So to summarise... yes, in 2007, in England, I live with that fear, to 
the extent thatI had to address it formally within the health/social 
services provision just this week.  But I also live in this community, 
and in various other internet communities, so the fear is mitigated by 
the strength of those communities, and how they would spring to my son's 
defence is anyone ever tried to deny him his right to his mother's milk, 
or deny mine in giving it to him!

Morgan Gallagher
Oops.. gone off on another one!


laurie wheeler wrote:
> Just to chime in that I breastfed my daughter, now 13, for 5 or 6 yrs. For
> those unfamiliar with older nurslings, often they nurse very briefly prior
> to naps or bedtime, and sometimes skipping a day or two, and for me even on
> a "dry" breast -  I really did not feel I had any milk the last several
> months.
> I concur with all the benefits, physiological and psychological. What I do
> want to mention is that I was actually quite fearful, as she got older, that
> someone would be quite aghast about it, report it, and have my child taken
> away from me. We basically went "closet nursing" as she got older, as many
> mothers unfortunately do. Living in the "Deep South" USA attitudes about
> even bf a newborn are not favorable.
> Did any others have this fear?
>
> Laurie Wheeler
> Louisiana at that time, now Mississippi
>
>   

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