I want to agree with Cynthia that it is simplistic to tell a mother to just
stand up to and tell off her primary support system if it (they) get in the
way of breastfeeding.  That typically isn't going to happen.  I think I
often forget that I didn't become the confidant, bossy person I am today
until AFTER having children.  It was advocating for my girls that did that
for me.  I used to inwardly seethe when people told me stupid (though
well-meaning) stuff with my first child, but I didn't have the maturity or
courage to say, "No, that's not how it's gonna be." I just secretly did what
I thought I should do in response to my wonderfully insistent children. So
we have to use much more subtle counseling to assist this mother.  She
values and stands a bit in the shadow of her authority figure of a dad.  She
wants to do what's best for everyone.  Reflective listening, using
techniques such as trying to discover what she's feeling and what stands in
the way of acting on that would help her better than directing her to open
defiance.  It isn't our job to tell people how to solve their problems.  If
we are supportive and provide the opportunity for open dialog, often people
come up with their own solutions.  We might offer a single, important
article by a peer of the grandfather, and tell the mother that this
scientific study might help re-educate, but in general, the next generation
always has to somehow assume the mantle of authority over their own
children, and this is typically a process not an event.

Barbara Wilson-Clay, BS, IBCLC
Austin Lactation Associates
LactNews Press
www.lactnews.com

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