Marianne,
Your post was very difficult to read. I was a victim of the sick care
industry. I empathize with many of these women because I have walked in
their shoes. When you are told, from the time you are born, that the people
in the white coats have all the answers and they can heal you and their word
is final, it is very, very difficult... indeed nearly impossible... to think
otherwise. How can people with no medical background know better than some
people in white coats who've gone to school specifically for medicine? (And
for the record, I am not anti-doctor... we have amazing physicians who do
provide miracles in some cases.) But how can a midwife know more than a
doctor? That's what you think when you are raised to put your entire health
care in the hands of "modern medicine". It's brainwashing. That's what we
have done to people in our society. We have brainwashed them into thinking
that doctors have the keys (and drugs) to cure every ailment we experience.
We do not teach our children to think for themselves or change their
behaviors.
I am amazed at some of the mothers I know. When a nose is runny, they rush
to a doctor. When they begin coughing, they look for drugs. But to some
degree, I don't think it's their fault. They are not taught to think that
runny noses and coughs are the body's way of healing itself and that if we
take drugs, we can actually cause more harm than good.
We have raised generations to believe they should never experience any pain
or discomfort... instead of teaching them that pain is purposeful and tells
a story. If they have pain, they immediately seek a way to erase the pain,
rather than the cause. If we are depressed, we take a drug rather than get
to the root cause of the depression (whether it is environmental,
nutritional, etc.) Instead of getting rid of the cause, we mask it... and
it still exists. We treat so many conditions this way.
I was a victim. I believed in the system. Nobody could tell me otherwise.
I had been brainwashed. I believed it when they told me it was okay to be
induced even though my cervix was tight. I believed them when they said it
would help to break my water. I believed them when they said pitocin would
"help things along". I believed them all along. And when they finally cut
me open, I believed that they had saved my baby's life. It took me years to
realize that they were the cause of my baby's close call with death. And
when I did realize it, it hurt more than anything... because in that moment
I realized I had been duped by the very people I had put so much trust in.
I felt so incredibly violated and used and less than human. I realized that
they didn't care one iota about my health or the outcome of my pregnancy.
It hurt... it still hurts. If I had it to do over, I would have my babies
at home under the care of a midwife, with a hospital close by.
I have since delved deeper and educated myself further. But it was hard.
It meant trusting my instincts and my gut feelings... something no one had
ever talked to me about before. We don't teach women to trust their
instincts. Why should they? They get all of their answers from the myriad
of information that is at their fingertips nowadays. We have books and
television and the internet and online discussion boards full of people who
continue to band together and perpetuate the lies. No one tells these women
to stop looking elsewhere and start looking inward for their answers. Very
sad.
I use my experiences to try and make things better for other women... I try
and teach women to look inward and listen to their instincts. But it is
indeed an uphill battle.
So yes, I do empathize with these women who seem to cling so dearly to the
misinformation that is out there. Because I think that for some of them,
they really, really believe deep down inside that they they aren't good
enough, their milk isn't good enough or plentiful, and their bodies just
aren't capable. When you've been fed a lie long enough, you internalize it
and you believe it.
Christina Harris, RN
Federal Way, WA
On Dec 30, 2007 4:54 PM, Marianne Vanderveen-Kolkena <
[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Jaye Simpson, IBCLC" <[log in to unmask]>
> To: <[log in to unmask]>
> Sent: Monday, December 31, 2007 1:16 AM
> Subject: [LACTNET] Psychic Powers
>
> **Hi Jaye,
>
> > The counseling aspect when the mom 'gets' why her situation ended so
> badly
> > is a whole 'nother ballgame. This is one of my specialties. How do I
> > counsel a woman who is now grieving?
>
> **The grieving about being misinformed, I can handle somehow. What I find
> most difficult, is when they say, for example, after four days: "I have
> tried everything, but nothing works", or similar wordings.
> Often, I have given all sorts of suggestions in a different stage of the
> process and they then choose to listen to someone not knowledgeable,
> giving
> advice that doesn't work, which I knew beforehand... :-s
> They sometimes expect me to validate all that, but I know that what
> they're
> saying, is rubbish. Two days ago, a father: "We don't pump anymore, but
> supplement, because the milk lacks nutritional value." We all know, that
> these parents won't breastfeed very long, when they believe this nonsense.
> I
> don't feel like validating this... I think it's unethical to not share my
> knowledge and offer them at least the possibility to reconsider what they
> heard and maybe phone me afterwards. The power of the primary HCP is so
> big,
> though, that her (often the midwife or the 'home nurse' you get during
> eight
> days for a couple of hours per day) opinion has such a overwhelming
> influence, that it doesn't really matter what I say. And I know this baby
> will be weaned untimely and the parents will say: "We had to stop, 'cause
> the milk wasn't good enough." "Oh", the pregnant next door neighbour
> thinks,
> "so that *is* possible. Maybe I'm one of those women that has milk that
> lacks essential elements; good to know that." You see what I mean...? I
> really don't know how to address these matters in a way that it really
> sinks
> in. I would also have a hard time when someone would like me to validate
> their sad feelings about being so overweighed, if I knew they would eat
> junk
> food all the time... :-(
>
> (snip)
> > that her feelings of anger at the baby, or the family, or the HCP's or
> > even me, are 100% NORMAL and VALID.
>
> **I don't know... Is it fair to be angry at other people if you willingly
> and knowingly turn down the opportunity to be well-informed...? I
> understand
> that saying "I told you so" is not gonna work, but therefore I would love
> to
> find a way to get the message through, although I realize not everyone is
> willing to receive a message that addresses their responsibility, because
> for one reason or the other, they are not up to the grieving or the
> feelings
> of loss. Thát, I can validate, but the lies and the misbeliefs and the
> delusions and the old wive's tales... those, I find very hard to let pass
> or
> confirm...
> Hmmm... coming to think of it... maybe I could ask: "Do you really believe
> that, that the milk is too poor?" or something like that. I'll think some
> more about it; quite a challenge, not to push AND to be straightforward
> AND
> not to make people feel foolish AND to create possibilities to make them
> reconsider decisions AND to keep the baby in mind and give bf a chance!
> ;o)
>
> > If I have no answers, I say so. If I have no words - I say so.
> > It is very, very hard to counsel these moms at times.but we do the best
> we
> > can and then we call on our LC friends to vent and let them counsel us.
>
> **Yes, I fully agree with this. ;o)
>
> Kindly,
>
> Marianne Vanderveen, Netherlands
>
> ***********************************************
>
> Archives: http://community.lsoft.com/archives/LACTNET.html
> To reach list owners: [log in to unmask]
> Mail all list management commands to: [log in to unmask]
> COMMANDS:
> 1. To temporarily stop your subscription write in the body of an email:
> set lactnet nomail
> 2. To start it again: set lactnet mail
> 3. To unsubscribe: unsubscribe lactnet
> 4. To get a comprehensive list of rules and directions: get lactnet
> welcome
>
>
***********************************************
Archives: http://community.lsoft.com/archives/LACTNET.html
To reach list owners: [log in to unmask]
Mail all list management commands to: [log in to unmask]
COMMANDS:
1. To temporarily stop your subscription write in the body of an email: set lactnet nomail
2. To start it again: set lactnet mail
3. To unsubscribe: unsubscribe lactnet
4. To get a comprehensive list of rules and directions: get lactnet welcome
|
