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Subject:
From:
Nikki Lee <[log in to unmask]>
Reply To:
Lactation Information and Discussion <[log in to unmask]>
Date:
Tue, 25 Nov 2003 17:34:03 EST
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In a message dated 11/25/03 3:49:20 PM Eastern Standard Time,
[log in to unmask] writes:
I wonder if a lot of the mothers who say something to the effect of, "I
don't think he's EATING, I think he's just using me as a pacifier" (a phrase
that causes the little hairs on my neck to stand up and scream out loud....)
have not been touched a lot themselves as children. What do you all say when a
mom says that to you?
Dear Friends:
    Jan asks a $64,000 question. (I have the same reaction when I hear a
mother say that!)
    My response depends on my relationship with her, how long I have known
her, how I am feeling that particular day. Sometimes I say, "The pacifier was
invented as a mother substitute." Sometimes I say, "Except a pacifier doesn't
give milk, and if your baby is suckling, she is getting milk." Mostly I teach
about the many different roles the breast plays in a baby's world.
    I ask her if she can tell if her husband is hungry. She can. I ask her if
she can tell when her husband is thirsty. She can. The behaviors are
different. I ask if she can tell if her husband has a headache or a sore back. She
can; she knows from his behaviors that he needs an aspirin or a heating pad. I
ask her if she can tell when her husband wants some affection. She can!
    Aha...........4 different needs, 4 different behaviors. We take a minute
to discuss this picture. If she doesn't have a husband, one can use the
example of any adult she knows well.
    But a baby is very different to an adult. A baby gets all those needs met
in the same way, by suckling at the breast. For a baby, the breast is love,
drink, food, medicine, entertainment, comfort and a bunch of other things. We
never know why a baby wants to go to breast, and we don't need to. It is easier
to give the breast.
    I don't know how well this explanation works, but it feels like it gets
through......sometimes.
    It is so difficult to work in a field where the baby is considered the
enemy, some wicked manipulator, or something to be controlled.
    warmly,
Nikki Lee RN, MS, Mother of 2, IBCLC, CIMI, CCE, craniosacral therapy
Adjunct faculty, Union Institute and University, Maternal and Child Health:
Lactation Consulting
Supporting the WHO Code and the Mother Friendly Childbirth Initiative

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