Rape is a strong word.  It is an act of violence. It is criminal  offense.  
It is most often against women.  The feelings are deep,  lifelong and painful.  
Years later you can talk about the experience and  feel the same emotions, 
the fear, the helplessness. 
 
Okay, now find me another word that is exactly as strong to call what is  
happening to women in birth and breastfeeding 'help' in hospitals and I will use  
it. I could use a word to offer them so they can put a name to  it. When I am 
talking to women, they are crying and the words they use are  fear, pain, 
helplessness, overpowered, defeated, degraded.  Some of these  women have been 
raped, they recognize the feelings well.  I think we do  need to pay attention 
to what is happening to women today because it is hurting  them and hurting 
their babies.  We need to remember our statistics about  women and abuse and 
assume the women we are working with have likely suffered  some form of abuse and 
proceed with utmost respect and gentleness.  The sad  thing, many women just 
assume this type of treatment was necessary, and to add  to their other 
feelings they also feel guilt for feeling the way they do about  something that just 
had to be done to them....it was for their own good, for  their babies own 
good, and they should not be so upset about it.  How wrong  is that for a 
woman...to feel so wrong at a time in her life when she should  feel so wonderful?
 
I understand we want to reserve certain words for what they are meant  for.  
But inappropriate touch is not a strong enough expression of what  happens and 
it certainly does not meet the emotions it brings up in the women  who 
experience it.  The original post said the 'mother' used this word  to express what 
it felt like.  She is not the first.  I have had  mothers use that word to 
describe how they felt, I have used it when I hear the  story shared and the 
mother acts like it was all her fault....and she  should have done more to stop 
it, and if only she wasn't doing 'fill in the  blank'....so much like a rape 
victim blaming herself for the violence  against her.  Maybe the mom didn't use a 
word we like, but it was her  word, her feelings, and what we should be 
talking about is not how wrong  that word is, but how horrible that it is how a new 
mother felt when being  helped to feed her baby.
 
Take care,
Pam MazzellaDiBosco, IBCLC, RLC
Florida 
 

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