Phyllis,

Testifying in family law cases can be very difficult. I'm really sorry to
hear how difficult your experience was - but note that something really good
can come from this - because of your post, many LCs and medical
professionals will learn better how to avoid some of the pitfalls you fell
into, as I am going to share some of this with you all right now!  Sometimes
bad experiences make the biggest changes (hey Liz, thinking of some cancer
you might have right now??)

Some pointers for all of you, or for next time:

*  LC resources have much in them on psychological aspects as it relates to
breastfeeding - on separation, on bonding.  The best treatises all have
chapters on this - so it is within the scope of your training and knowledge.
Also, what about experience you have had? You don't need to try to tout
yourself as an expert in psychology, but you all DO have knowledge about the
effect breastfeeding has on bonding, the effects on a breastfed baby with
abrupt separations, etc.
 *  All of you LCs out there, please tell me that you had SOME training on
psychological issues - bonding, separation, attachment, etc. when you were
in training - isn't any of that included in the exams?  Let me know. If not,
maybe we should be looking at getting it into training materials so the
future will be better than the present?
*  Most of you have been to SOME session at a conference on bonding,
attachment, psychological issues, or even one of my sessions - this is
continuing education.
*  Whether you are allowed to testify as to psych. issues depends on how the
lawyer qualifies you - and if you don't include this type of info for the
lawyer, then he or she won't know how to get you qualified.
  * You have to act and paint yourself as a big expert if you want to be
qualified.  I have lots of pointers on how to do that...

With a ten month old - what plan was the mother wanting the father to have?
Would it have protected breastfeeding? What about talking about what a 24
hour separation could cause in terms of abrupt weaning (most likely to wean
with separations from 6-12 months of age - maybe no studies on this, but
from most LCs practical experience they see this... can testify to what you
know from your experience or other LCs experience - this is fair game and
not psychological issues)

If the Mom had a plan to work up to overnights that was reasonable, and was
offering enough time, then you could have been testifying that her plan
would protect breastfeeding, not result in abrupt weaning, and still promote
Dad's bond.

You mentioned possibility of not being able to pump with regular pumps -
what about when moms go back to work they are supposed to breastfeed in the
morning before going to work, pump while at work, breastfeed when they
return from work, and during the night, else their milk supply may be
reduced? Pumps do not work as the baby can, and moms who can't pump enough,
will lose their milk supply. All of this is fair game for any LC to testify
to, even if psych. issues are not allowed. And, some moms are engaging in
'reverse cycle nursing' - was this mom? Was baby sleeping with her at night?
How many times was baby nursing at night? All fair game to testify to if you
know. A good breastfeeding assessment by the LC or doctor is essential
BEFORE testifying.  After all, if baby was sleeping in a separate room,
sometimes got a bottle, sometimes was cared for by someone else, then
overnights might be OK. What were you able to find out about her style of
parenting?

And, overnights can be started earlier with some breastfed babies -
depending on what separations the mother has from the baby, what style of
parenting she is engaging in, and how it is worked up to. For instance, a
baby that is used to only 2 hour separations will need more time to work up
to overnights, than a baby already used to being apart for full days. Once
full days are worked up to (in a logical manner, which I won't go into now),
then a short, 15 hour overnight is best to start with - such as from one
evening to the next morning. So if it is a working mom, she would be able to
breastfeed on Sat and Sun, and only have the baby apart from her for just
the overnight. But, Dad would need extra time given to him to 'make it 24
hours' if that is what he is asking for. Maybe an overnight one weekend, and
two full days on the other weekend. And some time during the week - after
she gets home to breastfeed one time - or while she is at work. What can
work? This is the MOST important thing that the expert and the Mom should be
focusing on.

What I specialize in is drafting plans for breastfeeding moms that protect
breastfeeding, and still promote Dad's bond. I also do recommendations for
parenting time, that sometimes are admitted into court, and often used to
educate experts that might be testifying, as it contains all the info about
bonding, breastfeeding,  separations, effects of early overnights, and how
you DO promote Dad's bond and still breastfeed. My work is even recognized
by father's rights groups as I am not picking mom, but rather looking at how
to promote both bonds.

Also, I focus primarily on what will work, rather than focusing on what
won't. I call it the 'coo-coo-poo-poo pitch when moms go into court saying
'this won't work - that won't work'. The Judge needs feasible and reasonable
solutions - that actually promote Dad's bond and still protect
breastfeeding, else the Judge can and likely will either order the long
separation, order her to pump, give formula, or even order her to wean. Yes,
they CAN order mothers to wean if they go in saying "I can't do that because
I am breastfeeding". What they should be saying is "Judge, how about this?
This gives him the same amount of time, works up to overnights (should NEVER
ask for it to be put off past age two, and even getting it that late is a
small miracle...), and shows how Dad's bond can be protected while at the
same time breastfeeding can continue." Even more than one plan is better -
give the Judge choices.

Sorry you had so little preparation going in - Dettwyler's wonderful
research is only relevant in one of these cases when breastfeeding past age
two is mentioned - here, I'd be relying on the AAP saying at least 12 months
or as long as mutually desirable (and I'd be trying to help the lawyer get
the AAP recommendations into evidence); Innocenti Declaration till age two
or beyond (help the lawyer get this in too as it is BOTH developed and
undeveloped countries); and studies that show longer breastfeed, less risk
of many illnesses to baby, and even breast cancer to Mom (there is good
stuff out there - any of you want to put together a list? I'd love it and
don't have the time to do it myself).

And you would not even WANT to mention extended breastfeeding with a 10
month old, or you will lose all credibility with the court.  Just the
reality of the legal system...

Another angle I always take is - did the Mom have any illnesses in her
family that breastfeeding reduces the risk of? Dad's family? These are facts
you want to emphasize, as then the Mom can say "Judge, I HAVE to
breastfeed -my mother has breast cancer - or I have juvenile diabetes in my
family, etc).

Have no fear, testifying is not usually a bad experience. Your experience is
not typical of someone who is properly prepared. I hope that all you LCs and
MDs and nurses and other medical professionals will not shy away from
testifying - you can make such a big difference, but not unless you know
what to do.

Note that I help anyone prepare to testify in a family law case - it takes
me a mere 1/2 hour of time to tell you how to do it - I sincerely hope that
ALL of you, doctors, LCs, nurses, will take me up on this offer - even if it
is a non-paying case. If you are getting paid and I can get paid, great; if
not, this is what I do and want to do without pay. TAKE ME UP ON THIS
OFFER - please.

And let the mothers know they can call me - no charge - and what they need
to be focusing on is:
  * how to give Dad ample time without long separations
  * a concrete plan on how overnights can be worked up to.

Now don't think for a minute that I am even SUGGESTING that you go and try
to do this for the Mom. The mother's lawyer can do this. I can do this as an
expert. Don't try doing something that you don't know how to do. Give the
mom my articles on LLLI's website - I have a list of factors to look at.
Refer the Mom to her local LLL Leader, and tell her to have the Leader call
her APL - I have given much info to the PL Departments to help mothers in
family law cases, including much more detailed lists of questions and
factors.

And I will continue to educate you all as cases arise.

I hope you won't beat yourself up about this case. You did everything that
you knew to do, and tried your best, and bravely went in there and took the
lashings from the attorneys. I admire your dedication and guts to do this.
Just remember that I am only a phone call away to help you next time.

Also, feel free to share this post with anyone.

Love,
Liz  (who hasn't lost her passion for these cases one little bit...)

PS - my chemo is going great- and the pre-meds they give me (to reduce risk
of liver inflammation) seem to perk me up - my husband says "its like you
put batteries in the energize bunny..." - I had a chemo treatment today so I
guess that is why you all just got two posts from me today  ;-)

Elizabeth N. Baldwin, Esq.
2020 N.E. 163rd Street, Suite 300
North Miami Beach, Fla. 33162
305-944-9100

www.lalecheleague.org/LawMain.html
www.compromisesolutions.com

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