I sent him an email from
http://www.promom.org/3min/3min_kansasnews_May05.html thanking him for his
article.

-Michele


Posted on Fri, Mar. 04, 2005




If men could breast-feed


RANDY SCHOLFIELD: IF MEN COULD BREAST-FEED


Did you see in "Meet the Fokkers" when Robert DeNiro straps on a
fake plastic breast, cradles his grandson in his arms, and begins
feeding him with his daughter's pumped milk?

It's a funny scene, but also instructive: DeNiro's gruff character
is determined to give his grandson the benefits of mother's milk.

He doesn't seem to care what others think.

I think that's a healthy attitude for breast-feeding moms.

The Kansas Legislature -- citing the many proven benefits of breast-
feeding -- is trying to pass a law clarifying the right of women to
breast-feed in public.

Oh, yes -- as long as they are "discreet" about it.

Amazingly, it seems many Americans have a problem with breast- feeding in
public. They think it's rude. Or dirty.

Consider this recent gem in Opinion Line:

"People who breast-feed in public show an amazing lack of class and
etiquette. Would you urinate in public? It's basically the same
thing."

This person obviously has never had children.

If so, he'd know (obviously, this is a man) that once you have
children, you give up any thought of maintaining class, etiquette
and decorum.

You get comfortable with loud whoopee cushion noises in restaurants.

Your baby will scream, defecate and projectile vomit wherever he
wants to, thanks.

And when he's hungry, he wants to be fed now. Doesn't matter where
you are -- could be the presidential inauguration.

Decorum? Good luck.

Here's another classy Opinion Line response:

"If you're going to breast-feed in public, bare 'em both so we can
get the whole show."

Whoooo-EEEE! That mama trying to nurse over there in the corner is
just trying to turn us on, right, boys?

Grow up. Or take it to Hooters.

Given people's uptight or absurd reactions, it's probably prudent
for a mother to drape a blanket so that innocent bystanders won't be
shocked -- shocked! --at the sight of a baby nursing.

But, really, why should a mother have to be "discreet" when there
are far more serious offenses to our eyes?

On a recent restaurant outing, my family and I were seated in a
booth right behind a large gentleman, who was slouched expansively
on a counter stool.

He was flaunting a serious case of plumber's crack.

His exposed backside was so near us that we could read the label on
his underwear. Hanes.

We were staring into the abyss.

My children began pointing, wide-eyed. My wife knocked down their
hands and shushed them.

The diners in the next booth were glancing over, their faces twisted
with revulsion.

I'd like to see a law requiring men with this condition to drape
themselves discreetly with a shawl or blanket when they go into
public.

Or maybe management could ask them to sit in the restroom.

I wondered: Was he showing off? Trying to turn on my wife, and other
women in the room?

If so, I am pleased to report, he failed.

We looked the other way.

People who are offended at the sight of nursing mothers should do
the same: Look away.

Wouldn't that be simpler?

Don't overworked, frazzled, exhausted mothers deserve a break? "Meet
the Fokkers" offered a good suggestion: Maybe men should help out.

Think about it: What if Kansas passed a law requiring fathers to
help stressed-out nursing moms by strapping on fake breasts, like De
Niro, to help them with those round-the-clock feedings?

It would be educational for men to see how easy it is to try to feed
a baby in public. I bet that would change some attitudes about
breast-feeding in a hurry.

My guess is, we men would be passing all kinds of laws to make it
easier for us to breast-feed. And we wouldn't give a hoot about
being discreet. It would be all about our convenience.

And if people stared at our breast-feeding -- and they would -- we'd
just give them our best DeNiro stare-down:

"You lookin' at me? Huh? You lookin' at me?"


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Randy Scholfield is an editorial writer for The Eagle. Reach him at
(316) 268-6545 or [log in to unmask]

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