I would like to gently add my voice to Melissa's. Breastfeeding is a uniquely
mothering activity like pregnancy. It is a kind of extention of pregnancy. I
agree with Melissa that a mother's role is different from Dad - especially in
the early years. Some Dads seem threatened by this somehow. I would like to
add that I am a feminist and not a traditionalist. I really feel that this
unique difference is part of the essence of what makes women powerful.
Believing that it doesn't matter who feeds the baby insidiously undermines
that unique power. It is amazing that we can make milk that is specifically
suited to this particular baby at this particular moment. As I type this, I
am nursing my 18 month old through the flu. She is getting exactly what she
needs right now. SHE influences and regulates the amount and content - so it
is also a matter of baby empowerment.

The baby has so much more power in a breastfeeding (as opposed to a
breastMILK feeding) relationship. In general, I think this is the problem
with feeding EBM without actually nursing. Although EBM is MUCH better than
the other stuff, the baby and Mom miss out on the other aspects of
breastfeeding when the substance is emphasized over the process. In order to
breastfeed, Mom and baby have to become comfortable being very intimate. They
become a dyad that is much more intricate and reciprocal than a simple
feeding relationship. The baby is a much more active participant.

Dads can and do have a lot of different and equally important things they can
do. Although my husband was occasionally jealous of the relationship between
my first baby and me, he is extremely attached to them now that they are
older and can appreciate more than nursing.The joke around our house is that
maybe we should have had my husband give some bottles so our kids wouldn't be
so attached to him. When my baby wants Dad, she wants nothing to do with me.
Her bond with him is unique and powerful, but not at all based on feeding. I
think Dads miss out on opportunities to find other ways to bond with their
kids when so much emphasis is placed on feeding. Sometimes I am a little
jealous of my husband's relationship with my kids when I am feeling like the
milk machine that is taken for granted in the background while Dad is the
exciting first relationship outside of the Mother-Baby dyad. What an honor!
The down side of attachment parenting and demand nursing is that Mom is
ALWAYS  assumed (by the baby) to be in the background and a big deal made
only when she is NOT there.

On the other hand - Acceptance of any breastfeeding/EBM as normal is a real
victory for everyone. I also think it is fabulous that Dads care so much
about bonding with babies in the 1990's. It is absolutely a step in the right
direction. Dads are SOOO important to kids, but breastfeeding is an
irreplacable Mom thing, IMHO.

Marie of WI LLLL & MOM who never intended to "stay home".