A number of times I have been confronted by moms who had very sick babies
or multiple congentital abnormalities after the fact ask the question :
"why could I not have given a bit of my breastmilk since they were giving
water or IV. anyway?"

In an earlier life I worked in labour and delivery where if a child was
born this Ill, It was often suggested the parents not even see their baby.
I think that the thaought was "out of sight, out of mind". I'm not sure?
This was many years ago. NOw we take pictures of all still births or babies
and ask parents if they want to hold their infants for however long they
need to in order the grieve and say good-bye.

NOw I feel that all moms/parents need to be given the options. One mother
in particular was very angry that noone thought to ask if she wanted to
breastfeed or give breastmilk to her severely deformed infant who they
thought would not live to term or live very long. She started breastfeeding
6 weeks, first with a shield and pumping, than no pumping. She gradually
changed to formula after 5 or 6 months. Has this baby been given a better
life because his mother gave him breastmilk? Well the baby is still living
but will probably always be an extremely great responsibility for its
parents since it is profoundedly handicapped. Did  the mother prolong its
life by breastfeeding or breASTMILK?

NOne of these questions have answers and we have no right to play God.
HOwever we must give the parents options to give informed consent. We do
not know how long each child will live. We do not know how viable his/her
life will be, but if we have helped these parents come to terms with a life
that did not quite meet their expectation, a life that was not so called
NORMAL, we have helped in just a small way. We must allow them to grieve
and not to have regrets because they were not given the options.

Attie Sandink RN. IBCLC.