Carrie,
I have followed your post. While I have not had a cleft baby in my practice
yet, I do have a few thoughts. You mentioned that your baby now has very
small nasal airway, will this be corrected in later surgery? If he really
can't breath through his nose, is nursing just too uncomfortable?
Also, if nursing is physically possible, is your baby just being orally
defensive as a result of the surgery? If so, try to be patient. See steps to
breastfeeding the aggressive non-nurser in LLL Breastfeeding Answer Book.
Always keep "exposure" to breast pleasant and relaxed with no expectations to
successfully feed just keep these moments "happy times" for now. Finally,
have you tried taking a bath with your baby, some babies do latch in the tub,
once the tension of the problem has been released. Sometimes things can take
ALOT longer to work out than we would like, try to follow your baby's lead,
 his "new" mouth may be sensitive or he may need time to adjust to the new
sesations  in his mouth .  I know it is easy for me to say " be patient" but
keep trying. Your life is incredibly stressful right now , can you find some
ways to release all the tension you have been experiencing? I hope some of
this is helpful...
Robin B. Frees, BA IBCLC