In response to the several people who asked me to print this off, here is
what I said (with a few changes: I brought my remarks on paper with every
intention of reading it exactly in order to make sure I said what I wanted
to say, but did my usual of editing/changing/adding as I went).  So, where
I recall the changes, they are reflected here.  If I missed some, sorry
about that.

"I recently heard the story of the 'good daughter.' I wonder how many of
you are "good daughters."  Definitions include the following:

she never allows petting below the waist before she gets married!
she gets straight A's in college while holding down a nearly fulltime job.
she always brings home boys her parents instantly approve of (in contrast
to the BAD daughter. When *she* brings boys home, her parents pray that she
has not caught something from them!)

Never mentioned is how the good daughter feeds her babies. I have often
wondered about that. And I have also wondered if she, the good daughter,
was named Martha Stewart. [my apologies to MS fans]

The punch line to the story, however, is that the parents liked their bad
daughter better. Why? Becuase she was not nearly so BORING!

Other possible characteristics of the "good daugher" might be
never questioning institutional routines that have, over time, been found
to be unhelpful
always being a part of the crow of followers even when who or what she
follows might lead the rest over a cliff!
never reading the professional literature after obtaining a degree
never running for office or volunteering to sit on a committee AND
not bothering to vote when a ballot is received because "someone else" will
do that and one vote won't make a difference anyway.

I have to admit I was never a very good daughter--by my parents' or any one
else's definition.  For some reason, I never felt comfortable doing what
the "rest of the crowd" does. That is not to say I am a rebel. Far from it:
nothing warms my heart more than singing with the rest of the first altos
whose job it is NEVER to sing the melody or be louder than the prima donna
sopranos, but rather always to provide the harmony that makes the melody
soar.

I would like to ask you, the members of ILCA, to examine whether you are
"good" daughters or those who are inclined to move in contrast to the
crowd.  Do you have a fire in your belly regarding breastfeeding? If so, do
not allow it to be dashed into soggy ashes by those who do not appreciate
what you do or say.  Rather than say nothing at a committee meeting when
you are bothered by the direction of the discussion, speak up. Raise at
least one thought-provoking question. Prove to the naysayers, to those who
would put you down and ignore your views or imply that you are something
they are not, that the fire in *your* bellow will not be quenched---NOT
EVER!

Are you the only one in your institution speaking up for breastfeeding
mothers? Ask them to speak up for you. Let them know that the help you
provided may not be available to other mothers if they do not let your
institution's administrators know that they appreciated what YOU did to
HELP them feed their babies.

Have you ever been labelled a troublemaker? Raise your hand right now if
you have ever been called that. [Many did]  Look around.  You are not
alone.

Finally, consider how--without your energy--ILCA will not grow, but rather
will stagnate into just one of the many organizations run by the few
because the many did not care enough to ask hard questions, to demand
truthful answers, to insist that your dues dollars are used wisely because
they are YOUR dollars, and to represent you as you wish to be represented.
Take hold of your organization and make it your own.  Even if that involves
insisting upon change.

Change is often painful. Grieving the outcome of change is much like
another emotion, guilt, which some of us seek to avoid even though--or
perhaps because--we have been accused of causing it in others. Both
emotions are self-induced, although each can be triggered by the actions or
statements of others. Out of each often comes depression, much pain,
frustration, and anger. However, out of each can also come a recognition
that there is life after guilt, life after grief, life after change, often
enabling more enjoyment and productivity in the world we seek to contribute
to.

For every person honored as an individual, many others go unrecognized. Of
particular importance are those whose work informs what the honoree has
done. I am no exception. For every article or book chapter I have written,
the knowledge of others whose wisdom I use supports and sustains my
contribution. Each time I do a presentation, I lean on those who know more
than I. Many of the people I have leaned on in my numerous endeavors as a
member of the lactation profession are the more precious because we worked
together. They are far too numerous to name, and many of them are no longer
with ILCA.

But of those who are here today, there are some who much be recognized.
Roberta Graham, truly my favorite "Mexican Milk Maid." The fire in *her*
belly is strong enough to lead all the rest of us!  Kathleen Huggins,
authors for mothers extraordinaire!  Binky Petok--so tiny that when she
stands, we think she is still sitting, but so gigantic in her knowledge of
lactation and, most importantly, how to apply it in a clinical setting.
Jan Riordan--I am sure you agree with me that I would not be standing her
now without the opportunity she gave me to collaborate on what is now known
as the "brown bible."  It has been quite a ride since we jumped on that
particular horse.  Kathleen Bruce, without whiche LACTNET would not exist.
More than 2000 subscribers later, we are still soaring in cyberspace. Donna
Corrieri and Barb Berges and so many others--who toil quietly in their own
particular lactational vineyards.  And finally, Niles Newton.  You were
right, as only a willing and joyful mentor can be.  I think of all of you
very often, even as my energies move in other directions.

Finally, if you have not read the poem, *Phenomenal Woman* by Maya Angelou,
please do.  Whenever I read it I think of each one of you.

Two very small words seem totally inadequate at this time.  But I say them
anyway.
Thank you [and I added] very much.

For those of you not there, the award was a beautifuil Waterford Crystal
clock which caused me to be surrounded at the airport by uniformed guards
with guns drawn.  They thought it was a BOMB because the clock face showed
up on X-ray when I went through security!  It will stand in a place of
honor on the top shelf (surrounded by some of my lushest plants) in my new
(almost finished) writing office.

Wishing you had all been there--we had such fun putting names to faces of
people we have been chatting with on LACTNET for months/years.  What was
most fun was the little shrieks when people introduced themselves and
recognition occurred.  Such fun!  We MUST do it again and again--at every
conference where even two LACTNUTS gather.....


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"We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly
disguised as impossible situations."
Kathleen G. Auerbach,PhD, IBCLC (Ferndale, WA USA) [log in to unmask]
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