Phew it was such a relief to hear from you. I have lost a lot of sleep over
this one... Thanks for being so nice but you were quite right too, I was
being boorish and dismissive. I didn't mean for it to come out like that,
and I really think what you are doing is useful. Sometimes I am painfully
Yorkshire and an inverted academic snob. It is too comfortable just to
revert to familiar waters - ignoring the more scary aspects of life. SOme
of my stuff re counseling is fear too. I feel healthy but I am scared that
if I did start to dig too deep into my psyche I would uncover all sorts of
nasty stuff, like sexual repression, etc dating from my childhood. I mean
what if I did dig into it and started wanting to have all sorts of sexual
experiments and not with Mike???!!! Just can't afford it. Life as we know
it would collapse......
I also have fits occasionally (like now!) over my self confidence and
wonder if I should be raising the children with a lot more energy, patience
and sympathy. Since I am already very prone to guilt I am not sure I could
live with myself if I became too self aware. We muddle through and
hopefully don't do too much deep down damage. Carol always said 'you don't
have to be a good parent, you just have to be good enough'. It has worked
for Pierra!!
I think  I manage better feeling reasonably confident and reasonably in
control. I block out the other stuff or it haunts me and makes me
dysfunctional. It's like I have a safety valve. In the end the only thing
that seems to matter is that the kids turn our happy and healthy (and I
don't lose any good friends along the way...). I cling to the thought that
both mike and I are happy and healthy enough and we were raised in a
similar manner to the way we are raising our kids.......
Well this has led  to interesting thoughts and I even broached a debate on
therapy tonight with my friend Sharon - she is a psychologist married to a
psychiatrist; she was in therapy for 5 years and he is undergoing
psychoanalysis. They have 2 badly behaved kids they never get mad with, and
they think we repress ours dreadfully (all that please and thank you stuff)
But they are terribly terribly nice people....
ANyway it's very late, better go. Glad we are not mad at each other. I just
reeled a bit with shock at your response. You are so clearly making the
right choice in your career, you feel so strongly about it. I always knew
there was fire under the ice Kirstie but haven't witnessed it before.
lots and lots of love
Anne xxxxxxxx