----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Diane Wiessinger" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Tuesday, December 18, 2007 1:27 AM
Subject: [LACTNET] public breastfeeding messages

**Hello Diane,

You said: "Cate Colburn-Smith, co-author of The Milk Memos and a current 
speaker in the Conscious Woman webinars, has a really cool analogy for how 
we approach other health issues:  Suppose your friend routinely eats 3 Big 
Macs a day.  What will your initial approach be: to talk about the 
satisfying crunch of carrots?  Or to say, "Three a day!  Do you know what 
that's *doing* to you??"  We may get into the tasty health foods and easy 
recipes later on, but the first thing we do is talk hamburgers."

**I find this very interesting. If I understand well, what you're implicitly 
saying is that we shouldn't constantly worry about feelings of guilt, when 
we really know what bad eating habits do to us? A primary, spontaneous, 
concerned reaction *would* focus on the risks of what is taken in? And that 
would mean that it is primarily the general public's lack of knowledge about 
formula risks that keeps us from doing that? (Please, correct me if I'm not 
'translating' in the right way!)

Karleen said:
"But when we tell mothers "You should..." we place the responsibility for 
success or failure upon them and that's not where it belongs."

**This is interesting as well. As a VBN-volunteer we are trained not to 
advise, but only to inform. Saying "You should..." falls into the category 
of advising. Explaining what the characteristics of breastfeeding (*not* the 
advantages, as there are none; formula has risks!) leaves women/mothers free 
to make their own decision ("You could...", "You might...").
Last week, I heard someone talk to my husband about how wonderfully thorough 
the marketing practices were of a guy he knew: always back to basics, always 
the target group in mind, never leaving things to coincidence, but carefully 
planning... Turned out, he was talking about the CEO of Friesland Foods, 
producer of Frisolac formula! I told him I wasn't really a close friend of 
Friesland Foods, got into explaining about WHO and he said marketing always 
meant promoting your own product. I replied: "Yes, but not always are the 
consequences as harmful as with formula." He looked at me and said: "I'm 
very much in favor of bf (my wife could't feed long, because her milk wasn't 
good quality :-s), but I don't think formula is harmful." I said to Nico: 
"You see, people just don't know!"
So, there we go, as lactation promotors, telling the world about the risks 
of formula, on a larger scale, and one on one. And then you get to the point 
where people are so worried about feelings of guilt. How justified is 
that...? If people feel guilty about not breastfeeding, although being able 
to, and after having heard about all the risks to formula, still decide not 
to bf, wouldn't it then be great they feel guilty, in a certain way? That 
means their conscience is still working and they might change their mind! 
You don't have to rub it in, but stating facts (facts!) is not emotional 
blackmail. It is merely what it is: giving information. In fact, I always 
feel so sorry for the child missing out on so many beautiful processes at 
breast. I feel sorry for the mom, too, but she makes a choice, whereas the 
baby has no saying. Who will stand up for the baby...? I think, guilt 
feelings only come when you *know* you didn't make the right/best decision. 
Often, feelings of guilt are mixed up with feelings of sadness, mourning, 
loss. Women, who have given all they had to give and got professional help 
and then for one reason or another quit breastfeeding, will probably feel 
sad over the loss of this experience, but won't feel guilty. Guilt means 
neglecting your conscience and it is neither our responsibility nor our 
doing if people neglect their conscience. I see it as my job to share the 
information I have, so that people don't have to say: "If only I had known 
that", with me being the one who could have told them and didn't...

Warmly,

Marianne Vanderveen, Netherlands

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