Barbara,

        Oh how true. The value of a true listener is priceless.
Unfortunately here in the west, I think we have lost the art to a great
extent.  In my genealogy research I see many such situations of  children
lost either by death or miscarriage.  I feel there was a greater closeness
or oneness between women, perhaps it was because your nearest neighbor might
be 5 or 10 miles away instead of a phone call away ,the "women talk" was
more cherished.

        I have been one of those moms who needed to be heard, some 22 yrs
ago.  I remember that it was acceptable to talk about my son for only a
certain amount of time and then those around you drifted away if Christopher
was mentioned.  I see this happen too often in this generation too.  I
wonder if it is because we look to "Medical Technology" to prevent death and
so we have learned to push its existence into the far corners of our minds?
Can we not face our own mortality?

        I have learned that a life, no matter how short, has a purpose.  I
have shared my personal experience with many a parent in the NICU as way to
help them open up and recognize their need to talk.  With moms who had
thought about or had planned to breastfeed ( getting back on topic :-)   the
same thing is needed for them.  Letting them express their grief of  "not
having a normal baby" and then seeing the smile on their faces when you tell
them " Oh but you can breast feed".  The grief is still there but now they
have something else to focus on, something they can do for their baby.  And
oh what a special gift they have.

        The human contact and caring is just as important, if not sometimes
more important, than the mechanics of breastfeeding, pumping or teaching.
Well thank you  for letting me share with you all.

Ann Slaughter, RN, IBCLC, RLC


>Sometimes all it takes is just listening while the mother cries for a
moment and tells
>the story.  Then it's as if, by being validated, those feelings become less
>potent in terms of undermining her energy to face the present
circumstances.
>
> Barbara Wilson-Clay, BS, IBCLC

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