Regarding the have and have nots, one of the points I try to stress when
working with at risk women and groups is to point out how mothering through
breastfeeding is not only good for the baby, but it can also allow the mother
to mother herself - her inner child through her baby.  We talk about what she
wanted and needed as a baby yet did not receive.  Then how when she gives
this care, comfort and concern to her own baby it comes around full circle in
terms of healing her own wounds.  She knows she isn't perpetuating the
distancing, the non-responsiveness, the yelling and screaming - whatever the
issues are when she chooses to parent her family in a more positive vein.
Theses moms need alot of support since there has usually been little or no
modeling of positive, let alone attachment style behaviors.
I know that this can turn around because my own mother did it and went on to
empower me to take it a few steps further.
Mother to mother support groups such as La Leche League are ideal
environments to connect these moms with because the attitude of accepting a
mother wherever she is on her mothering journey is such an intrinsic part of
the meetings.
Once I did a class with a pretty hard core group in a pregnant minors program
and one thing we were going to discuss along with several other issues was
alternatives to hitting, yelling and swearing.  When there were no
suggestions from this group it became rather apparent that they hadn't SEEN
any alternatives for disciplining.  We spent three hours on just that that
day and revisited options several more times during the semester.  By the
end, they were beginning to model some very positive parenting skills with
their babies and catching themselves when they fell back into the negative
patterns they knew so well.  I have an enormous amount of hope and faith that
things can be turned around even when the first glance seems very dismal.
Just my 2+ccs worth...

Gretchen Andrews, BA, IBCLC
private practice, Redlands, So CA, USA

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