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Subject:
From:
Janice Berry <[log in to unmask]>
Reply To:
Lactation Information and Discussion <[log in to unmask]>
Date:
Wed, 3 Jan 2001 21:01:47 -0500
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This appeared in the Columbus (Ohio, U.S.) Dispatch today on the editorial
page.
http://www.dispatch.com/news/editorials01/jan01/550537.html
***
Case is a test of parents' rights

Wednesday, January 3, 2001

Jennifer Halperin
Dispatch Editorial Writer

Six months ago, a 6-year-old boy being raised by his single mother in
Champaign, Ill., was taken from his home and placed into foster care because
his mother's parenting techniques were deemed potentially harmful.

Only last week did a judge throw out her previous finding of potential
neglect in the case, and set in place a plan under which the mother could
have supervised visits and the child eventually could return home.

The mother's "offense''? She was still breastfeeding the child, and they
slept in the same bed.

These are contentious subjects in a society that's not entirely comfortable
with women nursing their infants, let alone school- age children, and in
which children are routinely raised from infancy on in their own rooms and
their own beds -- separate and away from their parents.

But the Illinois woman's situation seems somewhat ironic, cruelly so, in a
society that routinely allows parents who have tortured and even killed
their own children to walk free after a few years in prison.

We're suffering some kind of national split personality on the issue of
parenting, but one that simply mirrors the baffling, intersecting approaches
we take to a host of social problems.

We want the right to raise our children as we see fit, and yet we are loath
to grant that right to others. We want to advocate our own values -- ones
that we truly believe will right society's problems -- and sometimes even
push them onto others, but we feel free to judge others' values through our
own limited prisms.

Is it unusual for a child to breastfeed past toddlerhood? Sure. In this
country, but not in others, it's probably highly unusual.

Is it uncommon for a 6-year-old to sleep in the same bed as his parent?
Maybe -- but probably not nearly so uncommon as some might think.

I know someone who describes family beds, or co-sleeping, as something along
the lines of "America's secret shame,'' because so many parents allow it but
are too embarrassed to admit as much.

But are these practices potentially harmful? Enough so to become grounds for
a child's removal from his mother?

To make the leap from "unusual'' to "harmful'' is treading on dangerous
territory. A few years ago, parents teaching their children from home might
have been called unusual. In some circles the practice still is thought of
as such. But home-schooling has helped many children blossom and excel and
has become common in places like central Ohio among families of all
philosophical stripes.

There is value in remembering that for every principle held dear and every
sure-fire "solution'' to societal problems there is a group of people that
takes issue with, if not offense at, those ideas.

Posting the Ten Commandments in all classrooms sounds like manna to many
good people and is downright unacceptable to many others. The same can be
said for everything from proficiency tests to tax-funded vouchers for
private schools to just about every idea on every social issue that public
policies try to address.

We all wear our own shaded glasses when it comes to what's good for
children, and for everyone. That's why recent commercials depicting a child
so addicted to an electronic game that he leaves his dog begging and crying
for attention strikes some as the ads are intended -- an effort to sell the
games -- while appearing to others, such as myself and my 5-year-old son, as
arguments against those very games.

Parenting attitudes and practices will never stop being analyzed and
critiqued, because they carry immeasurable implications for children's
actions throughout their adult lives.

But let's review:

Apparently, in the mainstream, ignoring living pets in favor of electronic
devices is acceptable.

Family intimacy is not.

Interesting priorities as a new millennium unfolds.

[log in to unmask]
***
Janice Berry
Westerville, OH

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