Marianne Vanderveen-Kolkena wrote:
> ----- Original Message ----- From: "Vicky York" <[log in to unmask]>
>
>> they didn't fail, society failed them, formula marketers and the docs 
>> who
>> were influenced by them sabotaged them.
>
> **I doubt this, as much as I know others on this list may disagree. 
> Society:
> that is us; society is you and me, not some strange entity we have no 
> power
> over. We can pass it by by being there.
> Hiding in the role of victim (of society, of formula marketers, of 
> docs and
> nurses) is not really gonna help. In the core of things, you can only 
> fall
> victim to something when you lack strength (muscle, physical, mental,
> personal strength) to withstand and counter whatever is making way for 
> you.
> Therefore, in my opinion, the main issue is: building strength, 
> finding and
> collecting those around you that will help you build that strength and 
> let
> go of those defence mechanisms that prevent you from accepting the 
> helping
> hands offered. 

I disagree Marianne.  First you must know you are being attacked, and 
then you must know you are strong. 

When a culture keeps a woman in ignorance of formula risks, and then 
stands by her and tells her it is not only acceptable, but medically 
prescribed to supplement with formula... that is a huge thing to stand 
against.  You yourself have spent many many hundreds of hours trying to 
prevent your own society putting into the paperwork, that Crying It Out 
is a good thing.  That effort should not be needed, in a world where 
individual strength can stand so easily against hegemony!

Whilst it is wonderful that some woman have a switch that keeps them 
going, no matter what, the _norm_ in our culture, especially for women, 
is to comply.  To defer to the expert, to comply at all costs, to accept 
that others work on your behalf and that if you defy them, you not only 
cause them anger from your rejecting of them, but you risk your baby's 
health... few women can fight back against that first time round.

And in terms of formula companies.. no one is their victim - they are 
their targets.  Formula companies actively seek out women, and target 
them to ensure they feel safe and comfortable with formula feeding, and 
uncomfortable with breastfeeding.  Their profits depend on it.  They 
spend billions in creating the formula myth, and making sure woman are 
exposed to it constantly.   And that is a powerful enemy - hence the 
need for Code to protect babies and mothers.

Culture has proven to be one of the single most difficult things to 
break free from, and overcome.  Hegemony is strong, very strong.  and 
women who fail to break it, are not victims... merely not yet aware of 
either the strength of the attack, or their own strength.  Uncovered and 
as yet undiscovered strength, is not victimhood.

Accepting there is an aggressor, is not victim hood either.  It 
empowers.  You need to know you are being attacked, and who is attacking 
you, in order to fight back!

I'm intensely uncomfortable with models that break down societal 
dynamics as those who fight, and those who are victims.  It smacks of 
the same ludicrous concept that a fighter will win out against cancer by 
sheer force of will, leaving 'the weak' to die.  That some people with 
disabilities 'triumph over disaster', whilst others 'give in'.  Or that 
the beaten and battered woman, only needs to walk out the door to stop 
the violence. That all that is required, to overcome anything, is a 
sense of perseverance and personal integrity. .  It's a paradigm I 
refute utterly. 

Woman are failed, everyday.  That's the commonplace.  The triumph is 
that many overcome, and then go on to support other women in success.  
Negating that triumph by making it commonplace, and a simple act of 
will, isn't something I am at all comfortable with.

For me, the glass is always full.  No matter how much air versus water, 
the glass is always full of matter.  No matter what.  Every triumph over 
'the norm' should be treated as such, and accepting the huge pressures 
against that triumph, is vital in empowering women to overcome.  Women, 
and babies, are failed, daily.  We can't abrogate responsibility for that.

Society has worked upon us, for a long time, before we get the chance to 
work back against it. 

Morgan Gallagher

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