>Carrie, I am so saddened by your anguish and grief.  I understand your
>feeling that we have let you down.  We can throw around our techniques and
>our experience and our strong opinions, but sometimes we just don't know
>enough.
>
>I have seen a few miracles in my days of LC work--the several babies who
>after 2-3 months of absolutely rejecting the breast just one day latch on
>and feed at the breast from then on.  And the adoptive mother who never
>expected her 13-month old to nurse, but who wanted him to attach so she
>slept with him and held him on her bare chest, trying to "womb" him, and one
>day she awoke from a nap with him nursing on an empty breast.  He continued
>for a year.
>
>Your baby has had the wonderful experience of being at your breast and he
>remembers.  I believe he will be there again.
>
>Anything I suggest seems trite compared with your hourly sadness, but I am
>going to risk seeming insensitive.
>
>Hold him, rock him, cuddle him in his sleep--all of this to comfort him--and
>yourself.  Tell him of your grief and of your hope that soon his fear or
>pain or discomfort will heal and that you two will again share the intimacy
>that you both long for. He will understand you. Remember that you aren't in
>this painful situation alone.  Your baby and you are on the same side.  Talk
>to him about "WHEN you are nursing again..."  Don't give up on him or yourself.
>
>And be gentle with yourself in your grief.  Show yourself as much compassion
>as you would your child.  It doesn't feel compassionate to say "Ah well, you
>had seven and a half months...be thankful for that."  Rock yourself and say,
>"There, there."
>
>And allow us, who do care even if we suffer in our inadequacies, carry you,
>believing in you and your baby when your courage falters.  1000+ of your
>closest friends are with you and we hold you in our love.
>
>Thank you for calling on us.
>
>Patricia Gima, IBCLC
>Milwaukee


No. Thank YOU. You said exactly what I needed to hear. THank you, thank you,
thank you!!!!!


>From: "Anne L. Varberg"  <varb0006>
>Date: Sat, Nov 2, 1996 3:42 PM
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: bf after surgery (fwd)
>
>Hi, Carrie!
>I was dismayed to see your post on lactnet regarding not having recieved advice
>from this list.  As I havn't recieved a response from you, I'm wondering if
>perhaps this message didn't reach you?  In any case here it is again, and I
have
>little else to add to it, as I've already put everything I could think of into
>this post.  Please write me, and let me know how it's going, and if you need
>more info on any of it.  Also, let me know if I can web-search anything for
you.
>Looking forward to your reply!
>Anne
>
>------------ Forwarded Message begins here ------------
>From: "Anne L. Varberg"  <varb0006>
>Date: Sat, Oct 26, 1996 4:15 PM
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: bf after surgery
>
>Hi, Carrie!
>Have you been in touch with LLL?  They maintain a list of people who have
nursed
>in special circumstances.  They should be able to hook you up with other
moms of
>babies with clefts.
>
>I am so sorry you were not allowed to nurse him prior to surgery!  Because
there
>may be other surgeries for him in the future??  I want you to know that an
>anesthesiologist who is well-informed on breastfeeding will know that
breastmilk
>is to be considered a clear fluid and is allowable closer to surgery that what
>you were apparently told.  I dont want to make you feel badly about this, but
>give you the info for next time if additional surgery is needed.
>
>As for right now, what pain medication is he being prescribed?  Make sure it is
>doing the job!  And see if you can dose it before the feeding (if it takes 20
>minutes to kick in, then give the meds 20 minutes before nursing).  Sounds like
>you're doing an excellent job of 'being there' for him, with extra cuddling and
>skin to skin contact.  Massage has been shown to be very helpful in alleviating
>stress and pain following surgery.  Also, you may want to have your physician
>get you a referral to a physical therapist.  I was unaware till recently that
>there are physical therapists that work with infant feeding.  Make sure the one
>you use knows something about breastfeeding!  Most are only trained to teach
>infants to bottle-feed.  I may be dreaming here, but if you could find a pt who
>would do massage first, then assist with the nursing too, wow!
>
>I'll be keeping your family in my prayers!
>Anne
>
Anne,

No, I never did get your note. I have switched email addresses since then,
however. That might be why...

Thanks for reposting...

Carrie
>